2 Weddings, A Funeral, and a Christmas Turkey

This December,

Found myself at 2 weddings of old schoolmates, hence meeting up old schoolmates and the usual what-are-you-doing-now Q&A sessions.

Found myself at a wake for a TARCF-er's grandpa after Singapore, hence meeting up old TARCF-ers.
Which was spooky, considering our last meetup was also for a wake earlier on that happened after I came back from Aussie.

Found myself at Starbucks with an old UTAR-ian who came all the way from KL to introduce me to weight-loss plan, of all things and of all days on Christmas. At least I was treated to a green tea latte and watched pretty fireworks at midnight.

Found myself at a Christmas party, carving up the turkey for other guests of the host before my jam mates arrived, which was uber fun to carve and dissect of sort. And had to-die-for-chocolate cake.

The only bunch of peeps I haven't somehow bump into are the Hoppers, although one of them was at the conference if that counts.

54. I am thankful for the friendships that I have.
Though weird and uneasy as some of them are, the existence of that fine thread that links each human being together is woven by only His doing.

55. I am thankful for being inspired just by watching a jazz ensemble doing something as ordinary as a soundcheck.

56. I am thankful for the presents I received and gave, because I made awesome baskets of goodies for my girls, (hahahaha!) and they in return are such dearies.

57. I am thankful for the ultimate Gift.


2011 will be here in a couple of days!

11th Dec in Retrospect

Being taken for a ride at 148km/hour over the Penang bridge (reaching the other end in 3minutes) is something really worth remembering, reliving.
That adrenaline rush that came with it,
made all other car rides after that just 'bleah' in retrospective of that few minutes.

Went through the motions bravely.
Sneaked out for some ice cream and was late back to starting the 2nd set.
Which was just totally wicked.

In some ways it was good to watch Raymond the great jamming with the mates.
Brings me down to earth, and reminds me of the many steps I still have to take.
How its still not over. And He's not done with me.

53. I'm just glad the weekend's done with.

Updates

 Here comes my list of thankfulness for this week weaved in between what I've been up to.


So, over the weekend I had my teeth and eyes check out.
Both was stressful in its own forms but I'm glad I got them done.
No. 47 New specs arriving tomorrow!, as the ones now are overpowered by .75. Which the optometrist says could lead to headache, tired eyes and stress. I'm starting to wonder if I made the right choice of moldy green color, but it's too late. I'll only know tomorrow. Still, new things are nice!

Was hyperventilating during practice on Sunday because there was another change to the songs dynamics.
Got myself into big tiff with the slave driver, which was really really ugly even for me. But I think I was forgiven after I calmed down and was human again..
No.48 Thankful for being forgiven.
Although he let me know right in my face after, that kind of behaviour was ugly.
Sigh, I can be so bratty sometimes.

No.49 Read and watched Dawn Treader. Apparently 2D came out today, I watch 3D on Tuesday which was a darn waste of money due to the lack of 3D effects although the show was brilliant as they manage to squeeze in a lot of the adventures from the book into a 2 hour plus movie.

No.50 Dinner with friends who besides bringing good conversations to the table, distracts me from overworrying this coming Saturday.

No.51 Nandos. The right food at the right time.

No.52 Quiet moments. Am thankful that my colleagues are not analyzing my MIA from lunch this week, giving me time to calm down, refocus and unwind a little during lunch hour.

Hello Teeth!

After 3 days of brushing back and forth my teeth, I only remembered today that the proper brushing technique is suppose to be up and down.
It was weird trying to work my wrist that way. 3 years of technique is hard to break off.

I found Bubble Gum Yum! (no.46) And shared it with all my colleagues in the same sardine can.
It was fun blowing bubbles in the office this afternoon.

It was good to finally be able to bite the accompanying nuts in my nasi lemak and use my teeth to tear down KFC pieces.

The only downside to wearing retainers, which I have to bring everywhere (and not forget where I leave them), is they get a little icky after a couple of days. And I haven't found a way to clean the valleys properly yet.

I haven't gotten around to grinning like a Cheshire Cat either.

Next up, scaling and fillings.

Bits, pieces and bye-bye braces...

Been pretty busy at work last week.


Too tired and empty from my endless worrying that lead to 3 days of crying over the weekend, that somehow embarassingly escalated until it feels like I've impacted the mood of Sunday's practice as well. And instead of having ceased worrying, I'm now worried how I would be by this coming weekend.
Talk about broken.

The only pleasures I find these days are those 5 minutes (thankful no.42) right after I woke up in the morning where it feels like waking up to a brand new day with joy and I can leave everything behind. Except my brain starts processing once I get up and then the emptiness of having cried so much returns.

At least the ugly sorta thoughts have gone away (thankful no.43).

So I had my braces taken off today.
Was a gruelling two hours where at some point when they had to take the mold from my upper teeth 3 freaking times and saliva was just dripping out my mouth uncontrollably that I wanted to laugh at how gross I must have looked.

Couldn't find any Bubble Gum Yum! in the store, I hope it is still in production and sold in other places.

Helped myself to 4 Little Black Dress (thankful no.44, this is just the distraction I need) at only RM54. I find it quite a deal considering I got my first one at RM22.

Had a celebration meal at BK around 4.30pm when my 2nd appointment was all over and I have my new retainers to wear instead.
Thankfully BK was stocked at such an hour not at all like sometime last week where I drop in at around 8pm and was left speechless because they had no fries, no onion rings, thus no value meals and only beef choices left, and not even chilli or tomato sauce to take away! Sad to say the attitude and inefficiency of staff there remains the same and I would say it could lead to the failure of BK in Penang.

It was pretty pleasant just sitting outside there in the nice cloudy weather idling away an hour (thankful no.45, nice weather). Running a clearer playback on how everything in my head escalated into last weekend. And determining the guilty parties.

The retainers are kinda weird right now, it would take some getting used to.
And because my emotions are in haywire mode, I can't seems to be elated over having removed the braces.

I need to get normal people toothbrush. Yes, that line sounds weird.
How else can I say I'll miss my V-shaped special toothbrush?
And to get the tablets old people dip their dentures in.

Was fondly, forgetfully brushing harder over the old difficult parts in my mouth just now.
Trying to dig out imaginary stucked debris.
Kinda like people with amputated toe still feeling their toe exist.
Except now they aren't difficult parts and the debrises aren't there anymore.
All that's left are just my teeth.

Another phase of life (braces!) gone, another phase of life (retainers!) begins. A new beginning.
If only I can say the same for the other areas of life....

Catch ups...

So there I was on Thursday giving up on finding the jack adapter....

The darn thing pretty much sparkled on the rubber mat off my car as I opened my car door to get in on Friday afternoon.

Yes, I am pleased and thankful (#38) and right now it kinda reminds me of how often when I've given up that things fall into place.

Mudball making was...not just mudball making as I've assumed.

It was a whole lot of fun, but was a whole lot of hard work too.

Because we had to freaking mix the soil and the EM-solution by ourselves.

Thankfully there was 3 shovels, and we coincidentally had 3 guys out of our team of 8. Though they were skinny, nerdy males, at least they were gentlemen enough to take the shovels instead of leaving it to us girls to do the digging and mixing. It was however a rather dirty affair, getting all the soil evenly watered before they can overturn the soil and mix, repeating this process for quite a number of time. And the fine soil, floating up into the air everytime one of them brought the shovel up higher.

We even managed to win 2nd runner up gift hamper in being fastest to finish. It was hilarious when our supposedly tennis ball sized mudballs, turned into mexican buns 15min later because our mixture was too moist.

....

I've broken one of my CS2000 springs again, and spent a lot of time agonizing on how my orthodentist was going to kill me for breaking it and prolly setting a record in doing so. I manage to call them up on Friday and set an appointment for Saturday afternoon to replace it instead of waiting for my next appointment which was suppose to be the afternoon I leave to sg.

Instead of being scolded, she told me I could take everything off next week.

(#39) Everything.

As in I'm finally freaking free from wires and what-nots in my mouth.

Most people probably grin and go 'Hurray!' upon hearing that.

I was in such a daze I didn't reacted the way I should have, which surprised her instead.

I have a week to think if I'm happy enough with how my teeth are now.

But yet, this is just what I'm talking about, things falling into places when I do not put much thought or worry into it.... in some ways surrendering to His timing.

It would mean freedom to finally eat everything and anything (bubble gum!).

It would mean not having to make sure nothing's stuck where it shouldn't be before having a proper conversation.

It would mean smiling like the cheshire cat, if my face muscles can put up with it.

Other things I'm thankful of...

40. This beautiful glowing full moon while coming out to work today.

41. A smooth day of work today, despite the predication of tons of work because of our worldwide system upgrade over the weekend.

It is one of those days

.....where there's evidence you have been snitched on but no idea how much or what exactly has been told.

.....where every word seems to be a personal 'something'.

.....where hunting high and low for the jack adapter turned futile.

.....where dinner was served with only a pair of chopsticks.

However, I suppose there are still things to be thankful of.

35. Finally meeting Ivane and as usual, the delight of seeing old friends who are now in another phase of life.

36. Mist everywhere I turned while driving in to work this morning. Beautiful in its graveness.

37. Found EPL.

And finished it. There was no dramatic climax moment in the L chapters, the movie lied.
I may have to read it over again to try and understand the oomph in the L chapters.

I'm looking forward to making mud balls this Saturday.

Of other Happy Thoughts

Over the weekend, someone reiterated what I said about Rachel really picking up the keyboard well over this last few months.
That was real cool. With an added bonus for me being mentioned as the 'sifu'.
That was a really proud, grateful moment (#30), it's good to know that I'm not the only one that thinks that way. Like something paid off. Hahahahahaha!

31. Good pasta with meat balls and sausages on Saturday. Yum!

32. I can still cut my own nails without relying on a surface to stabilize them yet.

33. Backache gone overnight without needing ibuprofen-
Yeah, silly me bend over to move some pots for my dad on Saturday. And I didn't even realize why my back was hurting like mad until really late Saturday night. Was having a hard time sleeping, but when I did woke up in the morning, it was just so much better on its own!

34. Holiday tomorrow! Wee!!!

I've sorta misplaced EPL and a newly bought jack adapter, hopefully I'll find both by the end of this week.

If I were to get another pair of Birks next month, it would mean I'd have spent over 300 on shoes this year.
I wonder if the average female actually spend that much money on shoes each year or I'm on the over the board range.

On top of that, I was earlier on also considering getting a $469 pair of Sennheiser wireless headphones.....
After some time, I finally decided that it was too insane to pull off. But its not like I don't have a Furla bag to know that something as crazy as that can be pulled off.

If I don't get Birks this year, I have another excuse to go down next year then.
Hahahahahahahahaha!

Hilarity of the week!

"I am not in control of possessing a boyfriend"

Give this response to a junior I.Agent when asked what you can't control in your life and you'd be reprimanded like a child giving the wrong answer in kindy.
Well, she did ask for my personal scenario (more like personal drama for me!).

25. I am thankful that I find it so funny (to see how oblivious she was to how honest I was really being )instead of being intimidated. Hahahahahaha!
Come laugh with me.
Hahahahahahhaha! Hahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Thereafter, when I politely informed I am not interested in what she has to offer, she went,
'Funny how you say you're not interested but you paid more for whatever Jail (my term, not hers!) provides.'
Which made me all the more thankful....as I realized.....

26.

I AM FUNNY!

I'm just a funny girl.
Lame funny is still funny.
I make people laugh by being me!
I also make people laugh just by laughing at myself silly, it's contagious.
And I am so thankful for the realization that God made me that way!

27. I'm also thankful I am able to fall asleep after having so much things to laugh about. My cheeks are actually a little sore from all the grinning!

That was yesterday, and I still find it funny today.
Moving on...
 
Today,
28. I am thankful that I have a crisp, newly washed bedsheet. It looked like someone IRON my bed!
That's how good it is.

29. I'm also thankful that I am reading part P of EPL right now. I only have left maybe 2 chapters of this particular stage of her book, and I'm trying to seize the moment and just soak and linger in this whole P portion, failing terribly as the chapters are just so beautifully deep they are page turners.

There's this part where she sat in the garden and let mosquitoes sting her for an evening hour as an experiment to be still and also test what it would be like to just sit through an hour of discomfort in her life.
Accordingly, it takes self control to not scratch or slap away.
Later she discovers 20 mosquito bites but the bites fade away in half an hour. And thus, she writes,

Eventually, everything goes away.

This is like an epiphany to what I'm going through right now.
Conferences are going to come and go, this one will just be 2010.
Heck, we might even not have to play if some good band comes along from some other countries
(it has happened in 2008, not that I'm complaining....was a worst fraidy cat then!).

I didn't even try to analyze and put it into the Christian context, but somehow just as I read it just now..... I realized the above and the hymn 'It is well with my soul' came across my mind. The hymn that we all so love to sing but not always honestly able to live it.

It's been a wonderfully eye-opening, much loved and thankful week so far.
I can't wait for what God has in store for me next!

Being loved

Waking up to yet another nightmare (involving a worship song...which is just incredibly outrageous) yesterday morning, I was ignoring the little voice that was trying to tell me 'When you hit rock bottom, the only way is UP' and other comforting soft reminders from that same little voice while going through my Monday morning routine.

The soft reminders turned LOUD and I finally burst into tears while driving to work when this song came bursting from the speakers (I've forgotten how much I loved this song).

24.

Am thankful that He knows this is what was needed,
to hit that outpouring of His love that transcends everything.

I'm not saying the stress, the pressure, the wish either to be Raymond the great or someone to just kill me isn't there anymore, but instead, I know He'll get me through this like no one else can.
I'm reminded that He loves me for who I am and not just for the gifts I can offer to Him.
I'm reminded that the focus is Him and Him alone.

Conference 2010

I had a more thankful list...but because I just got the stupid list of finalized songs.....
I'm no longer in a state of fear + numbness....More like they just dumped bricks that sank right to the bottom of my heart. There's only one way when you hit rock bottom, someone please just kill me now.

21.Oats. Yes, oats. Because my dad prepares the fermented version for me when I'm back on weekends.
It definitely doesn't taste good, but it's the thought that counts.

22. Diet Coke. Because there's this tv show Life on Mars commercial where the lead goes back in time to 1973, and asks a bartender for Diet Coke, I love how the bartender looks so puzzling and says 'Diet Coke???' because it didn't exist yet!!

23. Rachel. For picking up the keyboard so well in such a short time.
I'd be stumbling back and forth between Judy and Cody without her.

Now, if only I can build my empire of femme fatales in time for next year....

Ahh.. now this is cool! 115th Anniversary of discovering X-ray.

Public Holiday + Ninjas

Although things haven't been going as planned for this long weekend, today's been good considering I only had to get out of bed at like 1pm. Hahahahaha!
Been a long long time since I've done an all nighter til 3.
Was pleasantly surprised when I woke up around 11am, which is really really rare these days. And to just lie in for 2 hours before my dad came back....
19. Am thankful for sweet sweet sleep.

Been playing computer games all afternoon and night, only giving a break for dinner with some relatives that came over. So it's been a really relaxed day.
20. Thankful that we have so many public holidays! Hahahaha!

I've also finally completed chapters of Italy and will start India tomorrow for EPL.

Well, since my internal clock is a goner, I thought I'd make a post on the ninja stuff I see at work on a daily basis. Yup, these are all from google mail at various times of a day.

Ain't they just so cool?

Almosts

There was this part on the coastal road where the car in front of me suddenly slowed down, I had to brake with a slight jerk myself and I could see the car behind me jerking really abruptly so close she could have kiss Odie's bum.

There was this man who darted out from between cars into my lane, I swerved in time to avoid him. Thankfully there was no car coming from the opposite direction at that time.

18. Today I'm thankful for His protection on a rainy day like this when slippery wet roads aren't so kind to cars and the drizzle make people cross roads without looking.

Rainy note

And so they have started deciding the songs for this year's session.
I am now officially

Petrified

It's been raining all day with the occasional slowing down to a drizzle which today was timely to coincide with lunch and reaching home time (Thankful no.16).
Manage to read like 10 short chapters of EPL, and sleep til 10pm because of the rain after that which is a rare bliss these days. I'm loving the showers although it's suppose to cause flash floods or something.

And just as I'm blogging this post, Vi showed me this video, which distracted me a little from my petrified state (Thankful no.17).


Maybe if I kept myself distracted enough, that petrified feeling will go away on its own.
It's ironic that I am thankful for the little things of today while feeling that way as well.

I'll be really really thankful if this feeling would just leave for good. Haha!

This week's 1000 Things

11. Chocolates and pistachios from US - yummy, fattening, pimple sprouting snacks curtesy of colleagues back from Florida.

12. Gator- Hahahahaha, my Florida trinket cum birthday present. Yes, I am thankful for such a present, I know its kinda repeating thankful no.3 but that was for the thoughtfulness of Taz and now this is for the Gator, the crisp paper and really velvety soft red bag it came in.

My own mini Gators mascot.

Honestly, I was a tad frightened to have him on my desk on Wednesday because he looks pretty fierce. And I thought it wasn't proper to leave him in the office because I won't be able to squeeze him and enable the fight song and 'Go Gators!' sound from him without disturbing people. So I brought him home today and haven't figured it out yet if I'll actually sleep with it because it's from a colleague, and its kinda like crosssing the line from work to personal if I slept with it but in actual fact, bringing it home may have already crossed that line although not everyone thinks that much about a souvenir like I am rambling on about......

13. Breakfast on Friday mornings - Thankful for the pau or porridges or whatever dim sum I want because a colleague goes for 'lim teh' at this dim sum shop every Friday morning, never failing (except when he was abroad), thus allowing the early birds in the office to ta-pau.

14. Thankful that I manage to function properly at work this week after 3 nights in a row of pasar mlms from Monday to Wednesday.

15. Thankful for the colleague who not only borrowed me a wireless headset to have fun with this week, but also has connections to people that will enable me to get my own wireless headset for less that RM100 soon!

This 1000 things list kinda exposes a lot of details that months or years back I won't be so sure I want to share at all.
But yet at the same time, if I'm not consciously, making a point of being thankful, it kinda misses the point of changing my view too; like appreciating the little things in life even more, because some things just can't stay inside and transform, kinda like bubbly joy that overflows.

26th 26th 10 2010

I am sooo thankful this year.

1. Vi - Thank you for the chocolate, awesome day at the beach and dinner. The bestest present is the presence. And this year especially, a reminder that life is so precious.

2. Jen - Thank you for pasar mlm and being the constant pig of SK buddy.

3. Taz - For the Florida trinkets I have yet to see from this sweet, thoughtful person in sorta exchange for Mr. Platypus that somehow coincide with my birthday thus, a birthday present of sort all the way from US.

4. Dad's concern over how I was spending my birthday. Despite not wishing me or giving an angpow of sort. Haha!

5. Finally getting a haircut from a hairstylist who accommodate English! Smatteringly is still something.

6. Nana - Nandos at Gurney and tea-lover alike. Oh! Worship vents. And solo buddy? For now that is.
For always bringing me back to the deep end. Hahahaha!

7. Keat - For offering to buy me anything I want, except of course my last year list seems so unimportant now. And of course a gigolo is still out of the question.

8. Bro - For sharing my birthday with me. Happy Birthday, Ko!
For loving me in his own way of calorie counting which I lovingly told him went out the door today.

9. For all the greetings that came today. Thank you!!

10. Most importantly GOD - for being my Everything. Is it even possible to thank God for being my God?

Now that wasn't a bad start to 1000 things to be thankful/grateful of.
My goal is to list 1000 things within one year. Though I don't think it really matters if I set a timeline. Haha!

Random Thoughts at this hour.

*** Have more or less signed my own death certificate by agreeing to go down in December by bus. Should I have a will in place?

**To on or not to on the old PC for an hour (more like two) of mindless gaming on a Thursday night considering I still have to work from home at 7am tomorrow.

*Does anyone even read these dumb lines or if it's all been serving a syiok sendiri purpose.

Roaches

Have a long terrible nightmare last night where I was going after cockroaches one at a time.
And the worst part was I wasn't just squashing them with paper and throwing into the trash but I was picking them up with my fingers and purposely ripping one into two pieces, another cockroach was tortured leg by leg and finally the head was ripped as well, and yet another had the wings plucked first and the body later. And the scenes were just going on and on and on...with other weird torturous methods of dealing with them.


*shudders*


All because the last thing I did before I slept last night was squashed and throw away a roach that came into sight while I was getting a glass of water. It kinda dive from the counter top and fell on it's back, not like I was chasing after it. Urgh.

No more roaches or nightmares tonight. I'm skipping that glass of water.

Thought of the day

As volatile as some relationships are,

the good days are still sweeter then the moody ones.

Melbourne Macro Shots: Tudor Village and Fairy Tree

More macro shots!
This Tudor Village is like awesomely small. It was all fenced up and we can't get in.
So my macro shots were all courtesy of my brother's Canon.
Took alot of zooming and alot of steadying my hand on the fence to get them right.

The Fairy Tree was standing behind the Tudor Village.
It was a good thing that it was fenced up because I just wanted to touch every single creature carved there!
I had a hard time deciding how to photograph some of them, in the end I only manage to isolate out a few.

Spooky eyes in the dark. (My favourite out of all Fairy Tree shots)

BK!!!

I've wished long
And I've wished hard
Finally it is freaking here!!!

Burger King is in Penang!!!!

It was quite a rush to go there on opening night, and just waiting for the table, waiting in queue to finally get it with all the crowd of hungry BK fans!
What surprised me was seeing some pretty old folks eating alongside their adult children there.







Here's my mushroom swiss.
Although I remember they used to have double mushroom swiss...wonder what happened to that.











And of course the beloved onion rings!!










But sadly, I'll only give the meal a 6 out of 10 (1.5 of that comes from finally arriving in Penang) because the size has shrunk and the mushroom tasted like it came straight from a can without being rinsed. Onion rings definitely earned 2 points. The unevenly cooked fries and the rubbery mozzarella cheese sticks was dissappointing.

Oh well, at least it has arrived, right?

Melbourne Summary

So here's a log of things.
It's a mixture of places and stuff I remember was awesome.

27th-Board plane-Nodame Cantabile 2 The Movie
28th-Highpoint Shopping Center-Yum Cha
29th-Altona Beach-Built a Bear-Lauren's birthday
30th-I try so hard to recall, but I can't seem to remember how I spent the 30th. Memory lost
31st-Urquhard Bluff-Great Ocean Road Memorial Arch-Twelve Apostles-Loch Ard-Port Campbell
1st-Footscray Market-Strawberries-Footscray Library
2nd-St. Patrick's Cathedral-Fitzroy Garden-Conservatory-Miniature Tudor village-Fairy Tree-Brunetti's-Melbourne General Cemetery
3rd-Birds at Sherbrooke Forest-Puffing Billy-Yarra Valley-Fergusson's Winery-Healesville Sanctuary-Dingos-Predator birds-Koalas-Kangaroos-Platypus-Dinner with Shawn and WenC at Palazzo
4th-Direct Factory Outlet-Unagi fried rice-River's Cashier
5th-Melbourne Aquarium-Penguins-Underwater area-Dinner with Shawn and WenC at their place-Sliders
6th-Federation Bells-Hungry Jacks-Churchill Island-Wallabies-Koala Conservation Centre-Penguin Parade at Summerland Beach
7th-Tram to Victoria Market-Melbourne City-David Jones-Robin Hood's Play
8th-Botanical Gardens-Shrine of Remembrance-Flower Clock-Churros-Melbourne Symphony Orchestra at TownHall-Allans Music-Casa Del Gelato
9th-Port of Echuca-Rocky the cockatoo-Paddlesteamers-RSL-Oscar's Wharf-Cuba Libre
10th-La Porchetta-Canola flowers and rocky fields on the way back from Echuca.
11th-Direct Factory Outlet-Highpoint Shopping Center Arcade
12th-BBQ afternoon with Carol, Mary, Shawn, WenC and the Ung family minus one-Chocolates from Carol
13th-Ballarat-Sovereign Hill-Candle Making-Gold Pour-Wheelwrighting-Redcoat Soldiers-Sweet Making-Gold Panning-Gold Museum
14th-Tram to Victoria Market-Dinner with Shawn and WenC at the CornerShop.
15th-Board plane-Letters to Juliet-Last 10 minutes of Nodame Cantabile 2 The Movie-Changi Airport's Butterfly Garden

Melbourne Flower Shots

Here are my macro shots of flowers!

I'm Home...

Been exactly that for a couple of days actually.
I'll probably spew out the details of tours and what-nots in the next month or so.
But am currently not sure how exactly to characterize a holiday that not only captured your eyes but changes something inside.
It takes a whole new level of maturity to be a concierge and to be openly discussing life issues for roughly 20 days.
Wanting to hold on to that and be that something more right back here is still something I'm trying to figure out.

How do I do this? Where do I start?

Feels like I'm walking on jelly feet.

30 minutes left at home

So my bags are finally ready.
My face will be ready in like 10 minutes.
My lists have been crossed off one by one.

And I'm finally excited! *big grin*

A lot of things went well this week, on an almost daily basis, and it was a tad different to choose peace and to have answered prayers. Thank You, Father!

Alright now, I need to clear this gunk on my face and log off before my dad comes knocking at the door!

-

Yippee! 

I'm done packing, organized and ready to go!!!!

In my dreams.
The only thing I've achieved so far is to bring out the bags and dump a few stuff in them.
And more or less gone to every shopping center on the mainland in a paranoid frenzy looking for God knows what.
I ended up doing a huge clearing of my wardrobe instead of focusing on packing.

Oh! And last Friday, I have wonderful news telling me I'm in for a shower time, like, all the time there.
Like, 1st time in 10 years the dam is filling up from the usual 20% to 40%. 
Like, it's around 9 degrees there and I don't have a single windbreaker with me.
Like, I'm going to be very very very cold. All the time.
Like, a wet me is going to be very very very fun me.

The only tad relief or happiness or excitement was in leaving church this morning knowing that I've wrapped things up there rather smartly. I no longer care what happens when I'm gone. Hahahahaha!

9 Days Left

My head is in the clouds a lot this week.
Colleague catches me studying Google map a lot more these days.

I know I'm a tad extra worried because my usual junk food fix isn't working.
I'm not sure if the occasional cramp in my face muscles is because I'm starting to get excited or
I'm constantly worrying about the to-do, to-pack, to-remind, to-buy, to-handover, to-do-while-i'm-away (for my dad!) lists in my head.
I think it's the worry. Sigh.

Dreams

I had a dream about DBS.
I guess my worry soaked into my dreams.
Although that is the one alternative I never thought of in bright daylight.

I dreamed of old friends.
And a ghost hand on my arm trying to turn me around.
Which was a first and the thought of sensing fingers grabbing your arm kinda not leave you, believing or not.

I just want a good sleep now, no more dreams tonight.

On a random note.

Finally had time to adjust the blog view so that my sidebar isn't overlapping in Mozilla view.
Too lazy to figure out if there's other solution beside moving it to the left instead.

I don't need a doctor to tell me its getting worse,
however a 2nd opinion when I'm on holiday won't hurt if its not going to cost anything.

Is it unwavering faith that keeps people going when they are sick?
Or do they draw upon the strength given by having such a foundational belief that God is our healer?
Whatever it is, I don't think I really have. But neither do I not really have either.

Only time can tell.

ET tu?

It's a white lie to be called the best 
if you are the only person around, 

and therefore you are also unintentionally the worst.
I know it was said as an encouragement, 
so thank you.

On some days I find ET a perfect excuse for having slippery hands on the piano.
On other days, I wish there was some permanent fix like this guy.

Pictured: The musician who played banjo on operating table while doctors carried out surgery on his brain

Cool, right?

That way I will know for sure if the worst is my own self or really is ET.

Starved and cold

In the middle of the night
When there's only street light
Something gnaws inside
As days hurries by
It will be sooner than I'd like
And panic I try not to
At the thought of being starved and cold again.

So I spin a yarn of tales
Of what could go wrong then
And hope without fail
That it will not be all that stale.
When all worst scenarios is laid out
There's only one way out.
I'm determined that I won't be starved and cold once more.

Through lying
Stealing
Drowning
Hoarding
Cutting
Or overdosing
Stay alive I must be.

Soothing myself

I haven't played Mariage D'Amour for years.
Once upon a time it was the song, to let out some fury.

Today, I played it to see if some feelings can still be managed that way.

I don't get how a song titled love marriage (in translation),
isn't bubbly and light like how people are when they are in love or anticipating marriage,
but it is in B flat and kinda gloomy instead.
If it was trying to portray doomed or struggling lovers it ought to have another title.

What an odd composer!

Bleah bleah blea...

I ran out of words to...

Express joy about three babies.

Express satisfaction at seeing payback of sort.
.....

In Tea-full Bliss

Mlesna teas!

I wasn't expecting these from Cameron.

Hahahahaha!

They are so cute in such tiny boxes each containing just 10 tea bags!

And a couple of weeks ago I was wondering how was I to spread out 20 teabags until December.....

I told myself I'll worry about it when I'm really depleted.

Now I haven't finish my Apple Tea yet and here I have another 5 flavors!

Bliss!

Staff

There was a sense of coolness working along side stressful production crew even though it was just for a couple of hours.
There's an awe to seeing people coming in and not stopping until there was some standing.
It's different than attending one.
I've discovered that the motives are vastly different anyway.
At the end of the day it is not about you receiving, but seeing others receiving.
And that is a passion that is people focus, as what God is about.

Ephesians 1:15-20 (New King James Version)


Prayer for Spiritual Wisdom


15 Therefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, 16 do not cease to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers: 17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, 18 the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power 20 which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,

Quotes of the day

Sometimes I don't know anymore if my reactions are that of a spoiled brat or they are rational frustrations.
Some soothing words for the soul....

There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and be healed, to have despaired and have recovered hope.

                     -George Eliot

It becomes no man to nurse despair, but, in the teeth of clenched antagonisms, to follow up the worthiest till he die.

                -Tennyson

When a man gets to despair he knows that all his thinking will never get him out. He will only get out by the sheer creative effort of God. Consequently he is in the right attitude to receive from God that which he cannot gain for himself.

                              -Oswald Chambers

And finally.....a prayer.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

                                    -St. Francis of Assisi

New Template

Finally succumbing to a blog template.
Basically too lazy to be creative.

And even as the blog goes through a revamp, it reminds me of being renewed every morning by Him.
Our template have always been Him. But yet we are unique in each tiny details of our DNA.
Often times, who you are projecting on a daily basis isn't who God wants you to be.
Or knows you to be inside.
Therefore we need to be perfected, purified, renewed and these can only be done with a heart that is willing, by the God who is ever ready for you. For even before we were saved, He had chosen to die, chosen to be the sacrifice, His readiness from the beginning.
It takes two to tango. It's so much easier to be complacent, to stay just where you are, yet at the same time something else compels you to move in accordance to Him. And that something else have to win you over.

It's been a revealing week.

Verse of the Day

"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:35-36


Timely verse.

Six Impossible Things.

Excerpts from a boundless article.

Why pray for the impossible? Because it transforms me. Because it gives God glory. And because it delights my Savior's heart.

How do I pray for the impossible? Be confident, be persistent, be specific — and be ready for the unexpected.

Praying for the impossible is not a test of my imagination; it's a test of my faith. I don't have to be able to foresee what God will do; I just have to give Him big enough space to do it in. Faith doesn't say "It could never ..." or "I would never." Of course I would never (in a million years) write a book, learn to ski, or sport a softened heart. But that leaves God out of the equation.

He changes everything.

Impossibility does not intimidate Him in the least. In fact, it's His natural habitat, His joy, and His glory. Impossibility has His name written all over it!

Long weekend.

Am off to JB for the weekend tonight.
Hope there's no cockroach nest on the bus. In my direct sight anyway.
I'll bring my passport along in case I can sneak over the border, LOL.
Wish I can give not only virtual encouragement for those battling over there this month.
But at the end of the day, I still believe in 'Do your best, let God do the rest'.

Am not sure why I'm making this JB trip when it's not like I'm extremely close to my newly wed cousin.
Even though we are the same age. (which is kinda freaky, LOL, considering this is a first of quite a few more this year)
Next thing I know, I'll be seeing white hairs.
But it's never too late to get to know them better anyway. *fingers crossed*

I would ideally love to just sit back and relax this weekend.....maybe drop by Stella Marris and disturb the kids at camp (which I can still do on Monday night if I'm up for it).... but at last that is not to be.

It's AC time again....

Castrated Idiots

Do you know why idiots are castrated?
So that they don't pass on idiotness.

Unfortunately, they must have missed your parents.

If you are going ahead and demoralizing the meaning of words, please just kill me first.
I do not deserve to be outsaid for trying to stand up to what words really mean.

Go check the freaking dictionary!!!!!!

Privacy

What happened to individual's rights?
It is a major frustration to be sucked into a vortex you don't want to be.

And it seems that you have to dig really deep really hard to get out of it.
Of which I am too mad right now to do.

Sigh. What more can I say?
*Panic attack begins*

~A little calmer, and after much further digging~

**********Now I just need some people to stay out of my life for a while**********

Thoughts for a Wednesday.

Am....

• Trying hard to pray, trust, refocus and get back on track after the long Sunday of crying day and night. Appreciate all the prayers and concern that's been shown.
• Trying hard to understand Chinese culture vs. Western culture.
  It seems to be getting harder everyday to be at work, thinking outside of the box and having no one understanding or agreeing to your out-of-the-box view.
  Not to mention there was a spoil sport in the office this week who not only ruined my car challenge game by reminding me what would happen if I really banged into the new car but also told the other car owner when he had been oblivious to my actions (It's even more fun to think of it as your own private winning if the owner doesn't know it was you as it is then obvious that you weren't close enough to cause attention.). Talk about a double spoiler!!!!
• Tired of all the Mandarin/Cantonese quotes and the frustrations of not understanding a single thing, thus leading to the inability to communicate properly which also leads to preferably spacing-out-than-tiring-myself-trying-to-understand-crap mode.
• Obviously still a tad oversensitive from overwhelming Sunday, otherwise I wouldn't be thinking of my colleagues that way.
  For they are a wonderful bunch of people who never hesitate to be the first to offer their cars for lunch car pool or paying the total first, brings juicy mangoes to share with everyone and shows genuine concern for any family difficulty/sick days you're going through.
  
• Looking forward to my half day off tomorrow. Although I'm not really looking forward to the dental torture of sorts that I'll have to go through tomorrow.
  Who in their right mind would think that going to 2 dentist in a day is a bright idea?!?
  A lazy one, who doesn't want to clean her teeth before her braces appointment tomorrow.
• Looking forward to my Mlesna Apple Tea that dearest Lyin has bought back for me. Of course, that means I'm looking forward to seeing her too. (And getting the much, much awaited card. Teehehe!)

Listening themes

I was hunting down Keith & Kristyn Getty's album when I found Matt Papa's instead!!!

This guy is probably the best artist I've stumbled on to help me remember portions from the bible.
All his songs are based on scriptures and he just makes melodies around them.

Too bad I couldn't find the Keith & Kristyn Getty album I was looking for.
Irish hymns have a way of soothing the soul.
Hopefully I'll be able to find it overseas.

260th Post

It is day 10 of month 5 year 2010.

I haven't much to blog about except that I'm thankful for my sleep last night despite being on call and having had to shorten my afternoon nap due to practice for GDOP.
Despite the endless emails, and jammings in betweens, it is times like this that I can sense the true inner strength that comes from Him alone.
Strength that provide the peace and clear headedness I require to decide what steps to take on my own.
And He continues to amaze me, because now looking back on the weekend, it didn't looked as tough as I had predicted it to be.
He had truly surrounded me with a shower of His blessings.

Weekend Doings.

Was watching an hour and 16minutes horrow show with my dad yesterday.
It contained a lot of blood and a lot of slice and burn, slice and burn repetitively.

Made my bookings for September.
Too bad it isn't lavender season then.
Am praying for things to go smoothly between now and then.
And to be a total adult even if I'm starved (again) when the time comes.

Am now helping a junior on his first on-call.
Lucky twit didn't have to wake somebody up in the middle of the night for help.
Hahahaha!

Heart Talk

Had a painful conversation with my dad a couple of hours ago because of the company I keep with. Or more like an invitation to go down KL.

Someone advised me that "Only God can look into the heart of another person and deal with it."

So I prayed.

And He just made it alright.
We had another proper talk (without the emos) and although we don't have a mutual agreement, at least a mutual understanding of what he is concern about and what made me upset about was reached.

I am still a tad upset inside, but I guess seeing that He is in charge makes a small comforting difference right now.

It's time to think happier things.
Tomorrow morning we are going to SAMBA!!!! Woo hoo!
So glad I'm not down there. Hahahaha!
And I get to 'goreng' awesomely on 'The Lord Reigns'.

Sometimes I am amazed at how much some friendships have developed over the years.
To the point where I am not grumbling anymore about this and that.
Or is it just maturing in progress?

A story continued...

Once upon a time, the man who had some parts of his kidney out had to have his prostrate out as well. Not only was it suppose to cause him to have no more ejaculation but his bladder control was going to be different for some time after the operation. However, it was advised that to have it removed now while he was still strong and healthy was safer than having it removed in later years. So along the days before his operation, he goes around reassuring everyone that it was just a minor operation, perhaps hoping by saying those words that he would believe them himself. But his only daughter saw through the facade, and recalled the pain he had to go through the first time, that first night, although he doesn't remember anymore that night after his kidney operation. Perhaps it was best that he never remembers, for it was a night that was so frightening that she cringed at the thought of it. Prayerfully, that was not something she'd have to go through again. And so, the night before the surgery, everyone was very civil to one another. Him, trying to look calm for her, while her, trying to be calm for his sake.

Prayers to the Big Daddy would be much appreciated.

A New Leaf

He came to my desk with a quivering lip —



The lesson was done.


“Dear Teacher, I want a new leaf,” he said,


“I have spoiled this one.”


I took the old leaf, stained and blotted,


And gave him a new one all unspotted,


And into his sad eyes smiled,


“Do better, now, my child.”






I went to the throne with a quivering soul —


The old year was done.


“Dear Father, hast Thou a new leaf for me?


I have spoiled this one.”


He took the old leaf, stained and blotted,


And gave me a new one all unspotted,


And into my sad heart smiled,


“Do better, now, my child.”

Kathleen Wheeler, "A New Leaf"

The Father's heart is so much more than we tend to remember, tend to think of.
Day by day, we are made new every morning.
And we do need to be reminded of it, from time to time.
On days where discouragements seems to come one after another.
Or the emotional rollercoaster is turned on.
Or even just on those days when everything is going well for us.
We, frankly don't dwell enough in His love.
*And I have no idea why I just typed all that using 'we' and 'us'.

Season Dawns

Sometimes seasons come and go, without us realizing them.

A new season has begun this April.
I find myself holding new responsibilities, having tenacity on the ones I've had
And most of all, having a glimpse on what is to come.

I'm not ready for these new responsibilities or what is to come.
It is strange to hear the quavering of my own voice.
I laugh at how nervous I really am inside.

But I do know one thing.
He's in charge. Not me.
And for that certainty, I have a peace in me. Somewhere.

All in a day's work

What is it about aging that frightens?

What is it about dreams and reality not equating that frustrates?

What is it about being on an emo rollercoaster thats just not professional?

Trust. In. Our. Only. Hope.

So hold on to me tight

Hold on, I promise it'll be alright

Cause we are stronger here together

Then we could ever be alone

Just hold on to me

Don't you ever let me go

                                                                -excerpt from Michael Buble's 'Hold On'

Default

We're all defaulted to the best once we're His

It's been a crummy week.
Rashes on Monday (straighten out with a jab).
Stood a friend up for an hour on Tuesday (which ended with her leaving 15 minutes before I manage to arrive).
Almost standing the same friend up again on Wednesday.
Eating the wrong stuff again today and seeing those ugly blots all over my arm, just makes my Thursday.

I haven't been pleased with myself for having to put work above friendship. Above attending to His stuff.
As much as I love my work, this week has been in a state of much frustrations trying to leave on time. And not accomplishing it.

But as I reminded Vi of that statement, it strikes a chord in me too.
Because of His death on the cross, our slates are clean.
And God do not see us as we see ourselves.
He see us as children of God and all He wants is for us to turn to Him.
And He has the perfect plan for each and everyone of us.
We who are made in His image. Made in the image of Perfection.
How can we not be defaulted with perfection as the ultimate core where the Holy Spirit is?
And we do not struggle or strive, but press on.
For it is done.

Happy Good Friday and Easter.

KL

Visited mum on Sunday.

Funny thing that happened.
We walked into the reception of T's college because it was brand new and so close to my dad's place in SJ that he wanted to find out what was the renting rate. So the conversation went something like 'Our hostel is only open in July etc etc...'So what is the room rate?'...'The room rate is rm550 per student' turned look directly at me and went 'So, what course are you taking?'
Hoping hard I'm not blushing I said 'I haven't decided yet.' which was followed by 'Because we are nearly full'....'Oh, ok. I'm still looking around. Thank you.' And I had to quickly get out of sight because I couldn't stop the smirk on my face and the stiffled giggles....LOL LOL LOL......definitely a 'young' moment.

Had my double mushroom swiss at BK. Had my choc pudding and bavarian cream donuts.

Resulted in rash that I'm not sure what the cause is and I went for a jab to stop the darn itch.

Raw Truth

The raw truth isn't always nice to hear.
Or to admit about.
And to not sound like a spoilt brat while you're at it.
But enough is enough.
I'm tired of Smartypants.
And how worked up I get about them.
Not to mention the tears that causes puffy eyes on Sunday morning.

I'm thankful for these words.

"I understand. You can put yourself to play with me and *name of the other Twin Tower* "
                        said one of them.

I was hoping for relief when I admit it out loud.
So why does it feels like I've just stabbed a knife into my heart?

Quarter of 1Kth post.

Laughing for long sessions last Sunday was a good break from my normalcy.
That is until the midnight call came and I had to work til 3.30am and get up for work at 6am.
Which was kinda cool, kinda exhilarating in a weird 'I'm superhuman' way, although I was pretty much blur in the office on Monday.

Had a good off day yesterday. Watched a movie, went to the library, had sushi with good old Jen.
I even finished a chick flick book, although that cost me to be late to work this morning. Haha!

I find myself spacing out during lunch conversations between colleagues.
Thinking of stuff I shouldn't be thinking of.

But what if I really need someone to tell me to stay now.
To be who He wants me to be, not who I want to be.
It's hard to know it isn't the solution when all I want to do is just that.
Harder still when people aren't trying to stop you from going.

Somehow things are looking better in other areas.
I am so thankful and grateful in some ways.

There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart

But its no ones fault

No, its not my fault

Maybe all the plans we made, might not workout

But I have no doubt even though its hard to see

I've got faith in us

I believe in you and me

                                                    -Michael Buble's 'Hold On'

A butterfly called Hope

Sometimes hope flutters in like a butterfly.

It happened on Wednesday afternoon when the word 'train' was used.

"Ee eh train boh chiap ho si."

In English translation, "His/Her train wasn't connected properly"
And what followed was a long explanation on where the tracks was cut off suddenly.
Sure, right now I can't touch any of that, (it brought on a big NO, when I childishly suggested I wanted to correct it) but being allowed to listen to all that was....so delightful!
Like a bite of chocolate.

It happened again on Wednesday night, when everyone agreed the dethrone someone's ownership of a website. My heart skipped a beat when my senior topped the issue up by suggesting that I wanted that website. And that is the solution in place to dethroning someone.
I, who have lost hope on having any ownership there.
Yet, my childish dream was remembered at a moment like this.
And it sounded like whipped cream on chocolate ice cream.
Although the ice cream isn't certain to be mine yet. How can my heart not soar again in one day?