Nerve wracking pain

T.T

Your Grace is Enough

#243

I know I must really be hitting rock bottom 

when I cried over something as simple as a dinner invitation.

Another unexplained kindness.

An answer to a deep bizarre desire I hadn't even bothered to pray about.

It's so awesome that He made it come true.

A reminder how much He cares for me.
*sniff*

I love you, I love you, I love you...
And my heart will follow wholly after You.

Piece of the week

There's a bike that does not like me.

I burnt my right leg against the exhaust pipe.

=_____=

In the midst of the long days at work...

Long jams on the bridge....

I'm thankful for:
(#239) Colleagues
Takeaways.
Money owing for breakfast and lunch when I forgot my wallet this week.
Patience of one in particular in explaining stuff to me.

(#240) Comfort Food
Light coke!
Royce!
Chachos!
Water frogs! =)
Thursday U.Burger's Night!

(#241) Reads
Kayner =)
How Like A God

(#242) Rainbow on an otherwise gloomy evening.
There's something totally quaint in asking another person crossing over like you if they are seeing one as well.
=)

(#243) And those who have to put up with my cranky self this week.

Another couple of weeks to go.

I'm sooooooooooooo not fun right now.

I'm That Girl

It's a Saturday full of joy and happiness.

I'm happy for the beautiful glowing bride.

Really am.

Yet, inside somehow the bittersweet ache grew. The 'what-ifs' ballooned.
It didn't help that there was conversations that went along the lines of 'She doesn't remember, she was so young then!' or the ones that has 'The last time I saw her was at the funeral...'
It didn't help that it was so frustrating to be stuck with my dad who was wanting to head home since 9.30am.

I thought I was having a really good grip on my emotions last night when my aunt asked if I remembered the days when I played with the girls.
I suppose I'm thankful I lasted til we were on our way home.
The dam broke in the middle of a food court in Bercham over something as simple as food.
The memories that trickled in since my aunt asked turned into an unstoppable torrent with the dam broken.
Keeping the flood going on and off for the last 4 hours.
It's the strangest thing how going down memory lane can make one cry so badly.

In the midst of those old memories, I was trying to find one good one about this weekend.
And then I remembered;

The bride's hand brushed against mine as we stood for a shot.

Somehow in a jolt I'm taken back into the past, into another memory where I was nervous and miserable in one of those first visits to the now familiar family house. And then she came, took both my hand and the other cousin's hand. I was both relieved and puzzled by what she was doing. And she lead us upstairs just so she didn't have to go to the toilet there alone. The other cousin and I got about to shyly talking, falteringly as we wait. Ice, broken by the time we came down the stairs.

China House =)

Jazz is so flavorful.

Like red wine. 

Leaves you warm, gooey and fuzzy.

Syncopation.

Improvisation.

Enjoyed thoroughly with eyes closed.

Peace lies in simplicity

If only I can stay in this state of mind,

Being content and at rest.

all through this season of hard work.

Been enjoying my off days this week.

Sleep. 

Eat.

Chat.

Read.

Play.
Mani.

It's comforting to stay in darkness.

It's comforting to be weird too.

More than that, it's comforting to be accepted.

Just like that.

It's a constant reminder;
One that I'm thankful of everyday.

(#237) Soaking in music on Monday and Wednesday helped kept the blues away.
Courtesy of Cub's player, now that Odie's radio is driving me nuts.

(#238) Nana's reminder that we should not bother to be cookie cutter Christians.
I needed it. =)

Looking forward to the weekend.
Hopefully I'll get to see some serious drumming!

Update.

I think I've calmed down.

This morning was another insane frenzy from 8.30am, 

endured working through lunchtime and finally breathing a relief at about 4pm.

For which I then had to reply emails that wasn't project focused.
But I have tomorrow off, so that's an even bigger relief!

I think it was amazing how I managed to catch a 6pm Skyfall,

getting all the way from the other end in one hour.
On a Friday.

The English humor is plain old delightful.
But this has to be the ugliest 007 that's ever been cast.

I conquered Gurney Drive!

*laughs uncontrollably*

They shouldn't call it a drive when its of walk-able distance.

I ended the last bit of the walk in my killer blue hoodie.
In order to surprise any unwanted encounter in the really dark end.

Was intending to be seriously creepy and weird wearing it up all the way,

but it was too hot after the first 5 minutes!


I'm thankful for the company that keeps me sane.
Through Kayner and Maple magic.

Derailing stress

It's been a long day.
I'm still trying to figure out what upsets me the most.

Was it the level of security? 

The news? 

Or my own lack of faith?

Confidence?

I know what bothers me.

Biting off more than I can hopefully chew.

The change of working hours,

changing my comfortable routines, sorta.

New laptop arriving in the midst of this havoc state.
(Which I'm supposed to be thankful about because its bigger and better, ha!)
Rescheduling my dental appointment, 

that indirectly means I have to reschedule practice,
which I've done once last weekend.

In the midst of a flood, it's like floating on my back.

Gasping for air.

Yet we all know who we look to when all we can do is look up.

To the King over the flood.

Time to get out of my comfort zone.

Belated thankfuls

In the last week, that is.
My birthday ones are grouped into #228, as I've decided the day was filled with uncountable ones.

So here's to last week.

#229 Fast and pray Mondays.
(After receiving news that trembled my core.)
#230 Koyah.
(After a super long day at work)
#231 Dinner treat by Jen!

I'm so in love with it!

#232 Pupu

(Followed me to Penang and kept my face covered from the imagined wrath of Slavedriver)

#233 Black Forest Cookies
(Breakfast as well as awesomely comfort food)
#234 Nana fostering me
( Though technically I ended up cheating and spent hours in DK B hiding from the crowd instead of joining the after-crowd)
#235 And in a lot of recent things, Cub.
(I've decided to stick with that term although there's no pets or cougars involved anymore. For sure.)

Stress

When the desires of your heart is LOOMING ahead,

it makes one shiver.

And knowing that between now until then you just have to hang in there,

it makes one wants to hide.

I have a list of thankful that has to wait until I finish my workload for the night.

Yeah, workload of the night.

Can't believe it myself.