Bits, pieces and bye-bye braces...

Been pretty busy at work last week.


Too tired and empty from my endless worrying that lead to 3 days of crying over the weekend, that somehow embarassingly escalated until it feels like I've impacted the mood of Sunday's practice as well. And instead of having ceased worrying, I'm now worried how I would be by this coming weekend.
Talk about broken.

The only pleasures I find these days are those 5 minutes (thankful no.42) right after I woke up in the morning where it feels like waking up to a brand new day with joy and I can leave everything behind. Except my brain starts processing once I get up and then the emptiness of having cried so much returns.

At least the ugly sorta thoughts have gone away (thankful no.43).

So I had my braces taken off today.
Was a gruelling two hours where at some point when they had to take the mold from my upper teeth 3 freaking times and saliva was just dripping out my mouth uncontrollably that I wanted to laugh at how gross I must have looked.

Couldn't find any Bubble Gum Yum! in the store, I hope it is still in production and sold in other places.

Helped myself to 4 Little Black Dress (thankful no.44, this is just the distraction I need) at only RM54. I find it quite a deal considering I got my first one at RM22.

Had a celebration meal at BK around 4.30pm when my 2nd appointment was all over and I have my new retainers to wear instead.
Thankfully BK was stocked at such an hour not at all like sometime last week where I drop in at around 8pm and was left speechless because they had no fries, no onion rings, thus no value meals and only beef choices left, and not even chilli or tomato sauce to take away! Sad to say the attitude and inefficiency of staff there remains the same and I would say it could lead to the failure of BK in Penang.

It was pretty pleasant just sitting outside there in the nice cloudy weather idling away an hour (thankful no.45, nice weather). Running a clearer playback on how everything in my head escalated into last weekend. And determining the guilty parties.

The retainers are kinda weird right now, it would take some getting used to.
And because my emotions are in haywire mode, I can't seems to be elated over having removed the braces.

I need to get normal people toothbrush. Yes, that line sounds weird.
How else can I say I'll miss my V-shaped special toothbrush?
And to get the tablets old people dip their dentures in.

Was fondly, forgetfully brushing harder over the old difficult parts in my mouth just now.
Trying to dig out imaginary stucked debris.
Kinda like people with amputated toe still feeling their toe exist.
Except now they aren't difficult parts and the debrises aren't there anymore.
All that's left are just my teeth.

Another phase of life (braces!) gone, another phase of life (retainers!) begins. A new beginning.
If only I can say the same for the other areas of life....

Catch ups...

So there I was on Thursday giving up on finding the jack adapter....

The darn thing pretty much sparkled on the rubber mat off my car as I opened my car door to get in on Friday afternoon.

Yes, I am pleased and thankful (#38) and right now it kinda reminds me of how often when I've given up that things fall into place.

Mudball making was...not just mudball making as I've assumed.

It was a whole lot of fun, but was a whole lot of hard work too.

Because we had to freaking mix the soil and the EM-solution by ourselves.

Thankfully there was 3 shovels, and we coincidentally had 3 guys out of our team of 8. Though they were skinny, nerdy males, at least they were gentlemen enough to take the shovels instead of leaving it to us girls to do the digging and mixing. It was however a rather dirty affair, getting all the soil evenly watered before they can overturn the soil and mix, repeating this process for quite a number of time. And the fine soil, floating up into the air everytime one of them brought the shovel up higher.

We even managed to win 2nd runner up gift hamper in being fastest to finish. It was hilarious when our supposedly tennis ball sized mudballs, turned into mexican buns 15min later because our mixture was too moist.

....

I've broken one of my CS2000 springs again, and spent a lot of time agonizing on how my orthodentist was going to kill me for breaking it and prolly setting a record in doing so. I manage to call them up on Friday and set an appointment for Saturday afternoon to replace it instead of waiting for my next appointment which was suppose to be the afternoon I leave to sg.

Instead of being scolded, she told me I could take everything off next week.

(#39) Everything.

As in I'm finally freaking free from wires and what-nots in my mouth.

Most people probably grin and go 'Hurray!' upon hearing that.

I was in such a daze I didn't reacted the way I should have, which surprised her instead.

I have a week to think if I'm happy enough with how my teeth are now.

But yet, this is just what I'm talking about, things falling into places when I do not put much thought or worry into it.... in some ways surrendering to His timing.

It would mean freedom to finally eat everything and anything (bubble gum!).

It would mean not having to make sure nothing's stuck where it shouldn't be before having a proper conversation.

It would mean smiling like the cheshire cat, if my face muscles can put up with it.

Other things I'm thankful of...

40. This beautiful glowing full moon while coming out to work today.

41. A smooth day of work today, despite the predication of tons of work because of our worldwide system upgrade over the weekend.

It is one of those days

.....where there's evidence you have been snitched on but no idea how much or what exactly has been told.

.....where every word seems to be a personal 'something'.

.....where hunting high and low for the jack adapter turned futile.

.....where dinner was served with only a pair of chopsticks.

However, I suppose there are still things to be thankful of.

35. Finally meeting Ivane and as usual, the delight of seeing old friends who are now in another phase of life.

36. Mist everywhere I turned while driving in to work this morning. Beautiful in its graveness.

37. Found EPL.

And finished it. There was no dramatic climax moment in the L chapters, the movie lied.
I may have to read it over again to try and understand the oomph in the L chapters.

I'm looking forward to making mud balls this Saturday.

Of other Happy Thoughts

Over the weekend, someone reiterated what I said about Rachel really picking up the keyboard well over this last few months.
That was real cool. With an added bonus for me being mentioned as the 'sifu'.
That was a really proud, grateful moment (#30), it's good to know that I'm not the only one that thinks that way. Like something paid off. Hahahahahaha!

31. Good pasta with meat balls and sausages on Saturday. Yum!

32. I can still cut my own nails without relying on a surface to stabilize them yet.

33. Backache gone overnight without needing ibuprofen-
Yeah, silly me bend over to move some pots for my dad on Saturday. And I didn't even realize why my back was hurting like mad until really late Saturday night. Was having a hard time sleeping, but when I did woke up in the morning, it was just so much better on its own!

34. Holiday tomorrow! Wee!!!

I've sorta misplaced EPL and a newly bought jack adapter, hopefully I'll find both by the end of this week.

If I were to get another pair of Birks next month, it would mean I'd have spent over 300 on shoes this year.
I wonder if the average female actually spend that much money on shoes each year or I'm on the over the board range.

On top of that, I was earlier on also considering getting a $469 pair of Sennheiser wireless headphones.....
After some time, I finally decided that it was too insane to pull off. But its not like I don't have a Furla bag to know that something as crazy as that can be pulled off.

If I don't get Birks this year, I have another excuse to go down next year then.
Hahahahahahahahaha!

Hilarity of the week!

"I am not in control of possessing a boyfriend"

Give this response to a junior I.Agent when asked what you can't control in your life and you'd be reprimanded like a child giving the wrong answer in kindy.
Well, she did ask for my personal scenario (more like personal drama for me!).

25. I am thankful that I find it so funny (to see how oblivious she was to how honest I was really being )instead of being intimidated. Hahahahahaha!
Come laugh with me.
Hahahahahahhaha! Hahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Thereafter, when I politely informed I am not interested in what she has to offer, she went,
'Funny how you say you're not interested but you paid more for whatever Jail (my term, not hers!) provides.'
Which made me all the more thankful....as I realized.....

26.

I AM FUNNY!

I'm just a funny girl.
Lame funny is still funny.
I make people laugh by being me!
I also make people laugh just by laughing at myself silly, it's contagious.
And I am so thankful for the realization that God made me that way!

27. I'm also thankful I am able to fall asleep after having so much things to laugh about. My cheeks are actually a little sore from all the grinning!

That was yesterday, and I still find it funny today.
Moving on...
 
Today,
28. I am thankful that I have a crisp, newly washed bedsheet. It looked like someone IRON my bed!
That's how good it is.

29. I'm also thankful that I am reading part P of EPL right now. I only have left maybe 2 chapters of this particular stage of her book, and I'm trying to seize the moment and just soak and linger in this whole P portion, failing terribly as the chapters are just so beautifully deep they are page turners.

There's this part where she sat in the garden and let mosquitoes sting her for an evening hour as an experiment to be still and also test what it would be like to just sit through an hour of discomfort in her life.
Accordingly, it takes self control to not scratch or slap away.
Later she discovers 20 mosquito bites but the bites fade away in half an hour. And thus, she writes,

Eventually, everything goes away.

This is like an epiphany to what I'm going through right now.
Conferences are going to come and go, this one will just be 2010.
Heck, we might even not have to play if some good band comes along from some other countries
(it has happened in 2008, not that I'm complaining....was a worst fraidy cat then!).

I didn't even try to analyze and put it into the Christian context, but somehow just as I read it just now..... I realized the above and the hymn 'It is well with my soul' came across my mind. The hymn that we all so love to sing but not always honestly able to live it.

It's been a wonderfully eye-opening, much loved and thankful week so far.
I can't wait for what God has in store for me next!

Being loved

Waking up to yet another nightmare (involving a worship song...which is just incredibly outrageous) yesterday morning, I was ignoring the little voice that was trying to tell me 'When you hit rock bottom, the only way is UP' and other comforting soft reminders from that same little voice while going through my Monday morning routine.

The soft reminders turned LOUD and I finally burst into tears while driving to work when this song came bursting from the speakers (I've forgotten how much I loved this song).

24.

Am thankful that He knows this is what was needed,
to hit that outpouring of His love that transcends everything.

I'm not saying the stress, the pressure, the wish either to be Raymond the great or someone to just kill me isn't there anymore, but instead, I know He'll get me through this like no one else can.
I'm reminded that He loves me for who I am and not just for the gifts I can offer to Him.
I'm reminded that the focus is Him and Him alone.

Conference 2010

I had a more thankful list...but because I just got the stupid list of finalized songs.....
I'm no longer in a state of fear + numbness....More like they just dumped bricks that sank right to the bottom of my heart. There's only one way when you hit rock bottom, someone please just kill me now.

21.Oats. Yes, oats. Because my dad prepares the fermented version for me when I'm back on weekends.
It definitely doesn't taste good, but it's the thought that counts.

22. Diet Coke. Because there's this tv show Life on Mars commercial where the lead goes back in time to 1973, and asks a bartender for Diet Coke, I love how the bartender looks so puzzling and says 'Diet Coke???' because it didn't exist yet!!

23. Rachel. For picking up the keyboard so well in such a short time.
I'd be stumbling back and forth between Judy and Cody without her.

Now, if only I can build my empire of femme fatales in time for next year....

Ahh.. now this is cool! 115th Anniversary of discovering X-ray.

Public Holiday + Ninjas

Although things haven't been going as planned for this long weekend, today's been good considering I only had to get out of bed at like 1pm. Hahahahaha!
Been a long long time since I've done an all nighter til 3.
Was pleasantly surprised when I woke up around 11am, which is really really rare these days. And to just lie in for 2 hours before my dad came back....
19. Am thankful for sweet sweet sleep.

Been playing computer games all afternoon and night, only giving a break for dinner with some relatives that came over. So it's been a really relaxed day.
20. Thankful that we have so many public holidays! Hahahaha!

I've also finally completed chapters of Italy and will start India tomorrow for EPL.

Well, since my internal clock is a goner, I thought I'd make a post on the ninja stuff I see at work on a daily basis. Yup, these are all from google mail at various times of a day.

Ain't they just so cool?

Almosts

There was this part on the coastal road where the car in front of me suddenly slowed down, I had to brake with a slight jerk myself and I could see the car behind me jerking really abruptly so close she could have kiss Odie's bum.

There was this man who darted out from between cars into my lane, I swerved in time to avoid him. Thankfully there was no car coming from the opposite direction at that time.

18. Today I'm thankful for His protection on a rainy day like this when slippery wet roads aren't so kind to cars and the drizzle make people cross roads without looking.

Rainy note

And so they have started deciding the songs for this year's session.
I am now officially

Petrified

It's been raining all day with the occasional slowing down to a drizzle which today was timely to coincide with lunch and reaching home time (Thankful no.16).
Manage to read like 10 short chapters of EPL, and sleep til 10pm because of the rain after that which is a rare bliss these days. I'm loving the showers although it's suppose to cause flash floods or something.

And just as I'm blogging this post, Vi showed me this video, which distracted me a little from my petrified state (Thankful no.17).


Maybe if I kept myself distracted enough, that petrified feeling will go away on its own.
It's ironic that I am thankful for the little things of today while feeling that way as well.

I'll be really really thankful if this feeling would just leave for good. Haha!