Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!

I managed to complete half the stuff on my list of 'Things I want to do in 2013' that I wrote back in January.

Some things that were up for debate was like:

Crochet - which I didn't work on but instead I knitted a pair of baby mittens and that had to count for something, right?

Drum lesson - which I didn't go calling about asking for but those Fridays I took off just to drum really have made a difference.

Among other things 2014 brings me to be;

Retiring candy prankster for a start

and

Retiring keyboardist (that is I hope, but whatever His will is)

And here I literally burned some bridges.
Stuff I do not want to cling to anymore.

One of the things I am looking forward to in my new year is a Totoro handphone case.

Like, freaking finally!!! 

After so many months of looking (and cursing a certain Chinese website for not delivering to Malaysia),

I've found someone who could make one for me. Right here in Penang!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for having been always there even when I am not looking Your way.

Thank you for the season that have been and for the season to come.

Help me to not look back anymore and guide me to see You more this coming year.

That I would anticipate with a ready heart all the good things that You have planned out for me.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Lock screen

One final day to be of courage left.

I'm tired of this dread.
Boozing myself numb haven't really helped.

I just want You, my Lord...
With my arms open wide...

Yet He goes;
I am with you...

And the love poured into my eyebrows will sustain me.

Quote of the day

"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one."

~Marcus Aurelis

Bedtime

Dear Lord,

Thank You for turning my disappointments into opportunities for growth and learning.
Guide me in trusting You through every situation, even if I don’t understand why it’s happening.
May Your name continually be blessed wherever I go.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Lunchtime

A little comforting sea breeze in the midst of everything.

Eleven Twelve Thirteen

Lovely to be blood router.
See the end that look like LAN cable end?

Witch & Wizard series

Weeeeee!!!! I found the second book.
It was annoying to have bought the first and third ones at BBW and not finding the second one in major bookstores at Gurney, Queensbay n even Paragon. I was even requesting to order in from Singapore!

And then there were just so many copies staring at me in the bookstore at Komtar. When I wasn't evem remembering I am hunting for it.
At 20% discount its still worth it from the price quoted to order it in.

Emotional Giant

I'm choosing to walk away from this one.
Because giants are not all able to be killed with stones or facing them on a consistent basis.

Prayer. Faith. Action.

~
I tend to play Bang! like the Renegade I am regardless of the role I actually have.
Pity the Sheriff.

Paraphrases

"You cannot be a Christian all by yourself."

"Are you happy now?"

"What I've been doing there for 14 years?"

"Wherever you are, you will still be struggling. It's just whether you choose to struggle more or less."

"Don't put yourself in a situation where you know you won't be able to control your emotions."

I don't know which is the truth and which isn't.
20-40-40 ratio is what I'm sticking with.
The ones I choose to send into oblivion, hears a 40.
A handful knows the other 40.
One knows full well what 20 is.

I'm thankful in this difficult time for:

Big Bro calling.
Knowing I didn't like having to have made someone cry, assuring me that this was something that we have to deal with somehow.

"I am happy for you"
Words across the faraway that didn't condemn that I have disappointed him.

I'm going to move on believing in the 40, just as those that believe in me believes it too.
I just wished there was an easier way to do this.

Bare Naked Ladies

I haven't had them this long for years!

It's been a long while...

Knitted stuff

For a little loved Ray Yuen in Queensland.

I'm so glad they made it in time and he hasn't grown too big for the booties Jen and I bought.

 ~

Birthday stuff

And a meal with Jen that can't be describe with pictures.

(Because the pics will just expose what a pig I am when I'm with her. =))

~

Tough stuff

R.I.P. Uncle A.

I miss your bass lines.

It's been 2 months since he passed away.

But I couldn't post about it without posting this....

Because he was so happy for you, Xian!

*teary eyed*

Congratulations Evan & Xian!!!

And I'm thankful that just days before it happened, 

we met up after quite a long time, 

and that week he managed to call Xian as well.

And it's with these little bits and pieces of events, 

fitting in together,

that God has comforted me with.

=)

About time!!!

Hahaha...one of the awesome things bout liberation is the ability to grow out my nails.
Wee!!!!

Crazy plurge

To celebrate being liberated !!!

And also because they are having a buy 2 free 1 sale.

Another morning (I'm going to be late!)

Christ is my reward
And all of my devotion
Now there's nothing in this world
That could ever satisfy

Nothing. Referring to the glory ache. 

The feeling that there has to be more than this in life.

If He is all that, then why do I long for affection?

Is that longing a manifestation of the glory ache?

How can He possibly fulfill that, when He's not physically here?

But then, are not all gods believed to be in the heavens or somewhere high? 

Somewhere to worship and just not ever here.

Pre Chorus:

Through every trial

My soul will sing

No turning back

I've been set free

Another Pre Chorus goes:

Through every trial

My soul will sing

Jesus is here

To God be the glory

I have a hard time with this. 

He's not really here, is He? 

When I need a hug, to tell me it's okay.

When I've gone and done something mean and cruel again, and needs to really hear that I'm still forgiven.

To believe that action speaks louder than words, it is impossible to actually happen because He's not really here.

And the problem with all this 'me-ness wanting my way' is that it becomes about me and not about Him.

Chorus:
Christ is enough for me

Christ is enough for me

Everything I need is in You

Everything I need

If we sing this often enough, would we convince ourselves that He really is enough?
Would I be able to attain that self control to not be so affectionate or desperately longing for it?
It's like the Buddhist monks chanting. What do they do it for? To convince themselves?

Bridge:

I have decided to follow Jesus

No turning back

No turning back

The cross before me

The world behind me

No turning back

No turning back

It is a constant struggle.
But a decision been made many years ago.
A belief.
That somehow I'm sticking with.
The simplest truth.

And ironically, that's when God speaks from His Word.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:17



I want to argue that it's not enough.
Not for this silly one who's having a tough time today.
Words falling on deaf ears. Hopefully the heart actually listens where the ears wouldn't.
Someone ought to tell her to "Suck it up" instead of letting her continue this way.

On Jen's birthday...

This was fun.
I think I enjoy the flavour of life called pain.
Like Dr. House.

Except IMO,  he sliced at the wrong angle.

Another

It's not the work of men but of God that dwells in us through the Holy Spirit,  that transpire such worship unto Him.

Sunday epiphany

The truth is...

Even without a drummer, God will show up.

...

It's been terrifying this weekend to have a song changed at my whim.

Thank You, Lord.

An adjourn from knitting

I didn't know I had all these bits and pieces to put together for my circular row counter.
I'm so proud of myself. Woohoo!!!

Another battle won

If sleeping at 5am serves it's purpose of exhausting my brain and the struggle within,
of quieting down the inadequacy in my heart,

I'll do it again.

Except sometimes that doesn't default me to a win.

Today was a win.
One I am very thankful of.
Because I haven't just struggle with this over one Saturday night like I usually do.
But over a few days of tears and tantrums.
Which spilled out into petty squabbles I am ashamed of.

I'm thankful that the objectives or reasons for squabbling made their points across though.

And only You could have done all that.

For all You've done.
Thank You.

10th August 2013 JerGlo Day

*the super belated long post*

I've been waiting for this day for years!
The ceilings looking a little like my dream about this day.

Of all the things, I never imagined I'd end up doing this for Slavedriver.

Sound.

I missed this kiss live!

CONGRATS, SLAVEDRIVER!!!!
Finally!

Dinner after that.

Where two innocents gave me their glasses and made me drunk. Lol.

Big Bro and family being there was like the added icing on the cake.

I'm thankful to have been at this wedding. And for the plans He has for them.
I could have been not invited.
A couple of months ago, we had a fallout.
We weren't talking to each other except on stage.
Only about two weeks before Slavedriver went MIA from church did we sort of make up.
I was so glad to just be there that I couldn't even be upset that the sound system was at a corner where I couldn't witness anything that happened on the altar.
For it felt like, I was giving the best gift ever. To be of selfless service to them on this special day.

I'm thankful that after all that I've done and sometimes reminiscently regret, this event rebuild-ed a bridge I thought would take a much longer time to rebuild. 
Part of me couldn't believe how at ease Cub was. How normal.
And I kept thinking, "Only You, Lord, could change a heart that once said "Sorry no cure"."
Especially at an event like this where I really was happy for the couple.
And didn't want to be bogged down by any negative feelings whatsoever.
It added to my joy to see Him at work, fixing this.

I'm thankful for all the people that I met again at the wedding. Each that had a special place in my heart.
I was squealing at this kid and that kid. How grown up or how cute they were.
And the number of hugs from everyone!
When I saw Big Bro and family walked in, it was like the icing on top of the cake.
It was like being at this reunion of everyone I've had the privilege and blessing to have known in the last 10 years. All at one event.

I couldn't contain how happy I was that day, grinning from ear to ear.
I wished I'd just die in bliss then.

The only time I freak out and got uncomfortable was when the group shot of TSF-ers was taken after the dinner and good old U.Aaron yelled for me to join. Somehow, I withdrew into my old shell and avoided going up there. Justifying it away as they are the TSF leaders gang.
Yet I couldn't help getting Cub's assistance to take the group shots as the official photographer did. Lol.
I still rather watch and observe from the outside.

There's only one more wedding left of this gang.
That of Chor Kong to Chor Ma.
I'm sure that's another blast to celebrate.

Happiness?

"Are you happy there or not?"
"If you are, I don't think you'd be finding Big Bro..."

How do you define happiness?
And how is it that this line of questioning can cause one to sob?
Does it matter where I am?
Because everywhere, there will be difficulties.
It is in those difficult moments that you can see God at work and develop the relationship with Him.

So why not here?
I know where I stand with each of them.
I know what needs to be done to move on.
Just whether I'm moving or not is another question on its own.

What do you want?

I want a car, and You have supplied it.
I want to drum and this question is Your answer to all the doubts I have.
Oh how I long for days where things are always as clear as these!

Thank you, God.

Fastest ever!

I was starving.
And I haven't been to Abu for almost a month.
Days been going by in a blink of an eye.
So there I was for dinner tonight.
After ordering, usually it takes more than 20mins before my mi goreng makes the star appearance. 
So for the first time, I opened up a nasi lemak as an appetizer. Talk bout hunger. Lol.
But today...
Before I even ate halfway into my nasi lemak, here it was!
:D

Puddings

You don't have to overthink.

HB, Cub.

Enjoy.

~
I had fun hunting down a bike.
I'm thankful it wasn't in the bikes only lane.
Also, I'm thankful that the rain only started drizzling after I found it.

~~
I have a long post in my head about last weekend.
Just that I'm excellently busy enough not to find the time to trim photos and gather my feelings about it.

~~~
Tomorrow I'm off for another day of drumming, this time with my new sticks. =D
I'm thankful I still have Big Bro to go to every once in a long while.

Shopping at paragon.

Maybe its impulsive buying.
Maybe after 2 hours of playing, I felt encouraged.
Maybe the pain isn't bothering me anymore as much as yesterday.

I can only be what You have called me to be.

A lost battle

Some day when I am done with this world,
I want to be remembered for my laughter.

Not the tears.

I will always love you...

I loved you long before you met me
And then you gave your life to me
But should one day you turn and walk away

I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you, yes I will
I always will

My love will never cease towards you
But should I have a change of heart
It is because my heart has ceased to beat

I will always love you …

When all around you seems in darkness
When you have plumbed right to the depths
No pit is so deep I’m not deeper still

I will always love you …

And when the day has almost ended
When evening comes and walls you in
When there is no one else to comfort you

I will always love you …

Here are my arms for you to cling to
Here are my wounds where you can hide
Here are the tears that I have cried for you

I will always love you …

My love is constant as the sunrise
As changeless as the stars of night
My child, as sure as the returning tide

I will always love you …

Been in a new battle to not have/develop a Martha complex.
I said this in a NaF session the other day, "Dying to self, is not trying in our own strength."
Yet here I am doing this and that, constantly thinking what needs to be done next.
Either at work or in church, the same buzz is there in my head.
And then there's the constant reminder of what I've done, what I've regretted every time I see Cub.
It's hard to constantly remind myself I've let go; that I'm not paying the price now for what I've done.
And to just be that new person that God wants me to be.
Somehow it seems like to be someone new, I have to live a certain way now.
Whether in speech or in making nail polish or hair dye choices.
What reflects Him? Is this too much of me wanting my way, my colors?
Questions that drives me constantly on my toes.

It's all a mess I can't untangle myself from.
Certainly not in one go, certainly not in my own strength.
But nothing is impossible with Him, and one day at a time, one step at at time; I'll get there.

With this song above, I hear a leisure pace to hang on to.
Not to be rushed.
A reminder that His mercies are new every morning.
Even today.
More than anything, that I'm loved just the way I am.
Even if someday my hair is all purple and I'm putting on fluorescent green nail polish again.

So how does this affect worship today?
Last Sunday I abandoned the team, solely just focused on Him.
An easier feat when you are standing off to one side on the keyboard.
It's so hard to jump ship when you are on the piano, in the core area.
The tendency to want to keep a lid on everything, especially on the drums to drive us along is high.
But nothing is impossible in Him.
And to do all things, in His love, it would be whatever He wants it to be.
So here's hoping to find the balance in playing, in guiding the others and most of all in enjoying worship to Him later.


Lord, I just want to rest in Your arms.
Help me to surrender to You, this life and all that I am right now.
Because You just love me anyway I am.
Amen.

Body catching

A first for me.
There's no direction to how you actually do it except it's to prevent their head knocking down hard on to the floor.
I think.

Day Off

*This blog needs a good dusting*

Oh, the joy a good day off brings!

I admit, I've been so involved at work that I forgot that I was not working today until nearly midnight yesterday. I was even planning out the things I'll get done on Monday.
Which means I have tons to do tomorrow.

And I forgot to removed my production support schedule from a certain calendar, so it wasn't surprising when an agent called me in the morning. Surprisingly, I slept through her first 3 calls and woke up on my own before the 4th call. Manage to politely direct her to my US colleague on call.

 I was somehow unable to go back to snoozing until noon after the phone call.
So my day began early instead.
It was awesome to start my morning out with an hour long drumming while some cleaning went on in church on an otherwise closed Monday. I had a song to work on. Utterly bliss. =))

Followed by a good lunch.

At first after lunch, I was sleepy and thought I would nap upon reaching home. But I got to organizing my papers with files I just bought. And organizing those lead to cleaning up my desk where I found Stephen Gately's Tree of Seasons completely buried under a pile of papers.
I felt bad to not even had missed it.
So once I was content with the state of my desk which was like late afternoon, I got about to reading it.

~

The story revolves around three siblings; Josh, Michael and Beth who started off their summer holidays by investigating strange lights coming out of Merryville Woods. The Tree of Seasons is this gateway to four seasons' kingdoms, holding the balance of seasons in the mortal world. They ended up with a mission to save the world from being decayed from all-year round Autumn lead by a Queen that had witched herself into being their great aunt Graves who owns Merryville Woods after kidnapping her and kept her wrapped in magic. Through the tree they went to all four kingdoms and encountered all sort of magical and extinct creatures on their adventure.


At first it was hard to read this; I seriously couldn't imagine SG as a writer.
The acknowledgements, foreword and afterword was written by those close to him as the book was only published after he died.
The writing was stiff to me at the beginning, like it was still a rough version.
Or maybe it has this stiff British or Irish style to it that I'm not used to.
But once the magic started, it turned out to be a 3.5 hours page turner with a satisfying ending.


It turned out to be whimsical, enchanting and lovely altogether.
Bits and pieces of rhyming poetry as spells especially captivated me.
It was also endearing to read how protective and responsible Josh was of his younger siblings, even as he faced trouble with a school bully.

It's one thing to be a fan of SG's voice and utter cuteness in my days.

This book was like seeing a depth to his actual personality.
And at the end of it, it reminded me of that warm place in my heart for those days gone by. =))

~~
Since this review took some time to write, I managed to manicure my nails as well.
Doing all the things I love in one day. And a clean desk to boot. =))

Quote of the day

Take it as a challenge!

Says my supportive colleague of the things I'm doing right now.

As I move into another Sprint this week.


Whatever that happens in the future,
I don't want to forget having the time of my life at work right now.
Because it's like seeing Him at work after being in the dark for so long.

Bundle to QA

Hands all sweaty....
Heart's pounding away....
Head in a buzz.
Dread buildup like when I was at sea and clutching on to the steps for life because I can't swim.

That's what my first map change did to me.

Lol...it was AWESOME!!!!!!!

Restoration

*a week delayed. I've had to get myself together as hard as it was. God's been good. :))*

Goodbye, Cub.

Goodbye, Willy.

Goodbye, Slavedriver.

Cub, such a bitter painful regrettable end.

Sorry it was that way with you.

The only choice left when we've hit rock bottom is up.

And that's where I'm looking now even as I have to let you go.

Willy, so many beautiful memories made in you.

Priceless pranks, laughter and uncontrollable joy.

There was never one too many road trips to take in you.

Never one as fast as you were either.

Slavedriver, for all that was.

I'm so glad you've finally got a plan.

No one can replace you or the lessons learnt from you.

It's been good to have jammed with you.

Thank you for the good times.

I'm thankful that our paths have crossed.

Maybe some bad times could have been avoided if I've been a better person.

But it's never too late with Him. :))

So I'm trying now and it has to start with letting go and moving on.

Key charm

One to remind us of the authority given to us by Him who sits on the throne.  =))

Not a Fan wk 1 & 2

So basically this six week course ask us to ask ourselves this.

Are we a fan or a follower of Christ?

1st and 2nd session has just been over and there's been some struggle to define things.
One thing this course is, it's a definite eye opener.
If only mouth can open up, talk about a time to be tongue tied. >.<

Fan or Follower? Restoration

Define The Relationship with God. Luke 9: 18-25

A personal challenge has been the question of "When have you been most alive?", and my first answer was "Rollercoaster" but people who shared were talking bout serving others and it just didn't seem appropriate.
And by the time I thought about my time in Aussie, it was too late.
Looking up the leader's material online, I found that we've not been read the whole thing.
The question in details ask for 2 answers, one when it satisfied our own desires and one when it was about others. So, I did get to both parts. Like a tortoise. >.<

I'm still coming to terms on how do we reach this state of simplifying a relationship to those 2 words alone. And maybe right now, all I want is to be restored.

7-days Journal

This in itself wasn't just a ponder once daily thing. But each day, there was 3 or 4 parts.
It really asked us to scrutinized every minute or hour of our day. Even our lunch hour.
Like, what are your thoughts while you drive or commute to work?
Or what does your alcohol/food intake speaks about Jesus?

And sometimes, these are the hardest questions to answer.
Because there are bound to be things that we do in auto pilot mode.
There are things you do to satisfy yourself.
And there are things you do hoping He'd be pleased.

Follow Me: Redemption

There was this story about a little girl staining the couch and keeping it a secret from the parents.
And she burst out crying in guilt when the parents found out and gathered the children to find the culprit.
She felt so guilty that she asked the question "Do you still love me?" when it all came out, and her mum says yes. And that day onwards, she would show visitors the couch with the stain as it now represents being loved.

Looking beyond the stain, that's what His love is doing.

There was this explanation in the video, about Greek words to explain our now translated word 'Lord' and the explanation goes that it can only belong together in an owner-slave relationship. But then the video also said how being a slave to Him frees us.

And studying on that topic;

3 different books all speaking of the same moment. Matthew 9:9-12, Luke 5:27-32 and Mark 2:14-17
This in itself was mind blowing to read from The Message Bible.

The last verse had so many different words to describe the same situation.
Inviting outsiders (Matthew), the sin sick (Mark), an invitation to a changed life, changed inside and out (Luke).

Personal challenge was "Is there any stains that's still keeping you from Him?"
Often times, it's hard to let go.
Because where there was regret, maybe there had been good times as well.
And maybe we think the pain is worth it.
If we could just bring it all to Him. And let Him take away the pain.
Redemption by grace, by His blood...



*This post was rushed towards the end, have a workshop to head to!*

Check In

There he was mumbling away instructions, and all I manage to hear was;

"....install the latest Map Editor...download.....compile the map and then check in"

I got the drift of it but it didn't really register in my head what I was about to do.
Until I reached the Check In page.
And all of a sudden I was going nuts with joy screaming in my head;

"I'M CHECKING IN A MAP FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!!!!"

I couldn't stop grinning and getting all teary about it.
It didn't matter that this was just in the test environment.
It didn't matter that it wasn't even my own map.
It didn't matter that it was so lame considering that its what he and some others do it on a daily basis.

I was given a tiny key and finally got in!
And I was also finally doing it with authorized permission!

It was such a precious moment as short as it was in the midst of all the crazy busyness today.
There's more maps to check in this week but the first is just plain awesome!

Cherries

There was this feeling.
Of a little tender longing.
Almost like homesickness
When I saw the box of cherries.
I wasn't really craving for them.
But it was a feeling I couldn't just shake off.
Hence just a handful to satisfy whatever it is that was.

It's so expensive here... yet I'm grateful because it's not in season in Aussie now. And these were really red and ripe.
So tonight I'm going to just enjoy them.

What a night...

It's raining at abu!

Warcry

Every Sunday morning,
a warcry awakens from within.
Enough is enough,
the enemy has best flee.

Dieu et mon droit,
as the English would say.
God and my right.

~Dieu et mon droit has generally been used as the motto of English—and later British (outside of Scotland)—monarchs since being adopted by Edward III. It was first used as a battle cry byKing Richard I in 1198 at the Battle of Gisors, when he defeated the forces of Philip II of France and after he made it his motto. The belief in medieval Europe was not that victory automatically went to the side with the better army but that, as with personal trial by combat, to the side that God viewed with favour. Hence Richard wrote after his victory "It is not us who have done it but God and our right through us".
So after his victories on the crusades "Richard was speaking what he believed to be the truth when he told the Holy Roman Emperor: 'I am born of a rank which recognises no superior but God'."

Tomyam!

The yummness is in the ingredients.

Epic muffins

I absolutely love these muffins from CBakery!!!
So touched that I got these on a weekend.
It's been a worry wart week, because a major upgrade is going on this weekend. Epic, as my last on call of the year.
These muffins just darn distracted me with delight. And obviously I fooled around with PicsArt.

~Back to work now

A pausa at work

Am cringing at hearing 'God is able' from last Sunday.
Yet knowing how He came through that day, remembering His goodness,
remembering how it had felt pushing through the failures...that is our God.

It's all about Him.

~Back to work.

Word of the day...

Remember … 

more important than the way you  were  and more important than the way you are … 

is the way you can be.

Nachos, beans and eggs!

Dinner!

Quote of the day.

 “You can do more than pray, after you have prayed.

 But you cannot do more than pray until you have prayed.”

Early again 2

Early posts are turning into a trend, lol.

There's nothing I occasionally dislike most than when the piano is asked to do lead lines meant for lead guitars.
And today is one of those days.

The intro to God is Able is just.......>.<

I wonder when people will understand that it's just not the same thing.
The tension and speed required to move a pick from string to string versus the speed and pressure application to keys is just radically different.

On my part, I suppose if I have the proper skilled hands of an awesome pianist that comes from long hours of practice, then this level of 'trilling' would be a peace of cake.

And it doesn't help that this is probably one of those cases where on a music sheet,
there's a triplet or double triplets starting line followed by taugehs with dottted babies and what nots.
Yes, I've left the classical world so long I have forgotten all my terms.
I need a lot of work on my timing too to get those things right.

Help me to see it's about You, Lord.
And nothing about us.
And we will push forth even if the intro fails.
Because You are what we seek.

Live from Dato Koyah

Abu!!!

Turning sorrows into joy...

*a long lame post*


I was informing my shift buddy about being bumped down from seniority during breakfast.
It turned into a confession of how if another junior gets promoted next year, I'm going to really 'get it' that I have a permanent issue with my boss.
It's still a sting to accept this.

But in confessing, shift buddy was honest of her views on how she sees where I already am.
And it was a strange comfort because she advised ("as a friend" per quoted)  that I moved on to a different area while I still can. The thing is; there's no vacancy where I do want to move to.
So it's been hard trying to trust God to grant me this, this year. This talk made me quite emo.

And then back at my desk, I got into a chat squabble with Cub about keeping Skype on.
It ended on a bad note and I wasn't sure if we would chat anymore today.

So my morning was pretty much spent trying to get a grip of myself and not had what happened spiral me down into miserable land.

Afternoon came and I amused myself with deleting the Hokkien songs that the seller copied into the Martian.
Then, a nonsensical colleague made me helplessly smile when the justification to not block the chat was to give me pleasure. Lameness til the max.

The best part was, I reached home thinking I'd cook instant noodles.
Was so tired, I told my dad I was going out to get bread since he had class.
I took this kampung road and instead of turning right to the bakery, I took a left turn towards the food court to see if it was open.
All this while, I've been thinking it was closed on Thursdays.
So it was a totally random move to make. Or so I thought.

It was opened. And what more I ended up eating there because I bumped into Uncle G and family.
Uncle G teasingly asked if I missed him, and I didn't answer. >.<
Then he asked if I missed Uncle A, and I said I do but I missed Big Bro more.

I don't know how it happened but the next thing I know he was on the phone and I thought he was calling Uncle A to ask him over as well.
Then he passed the phone to me, and mid-bite I thought I was talking to Uncle A and was so surprised when I finally realized the voice was Big Bro's.
Lucky for me I haven't made the mistake of calling Uncle A's name into the phone.

If we were't talking on the phone in the middle of a noisy food court, I would have cried. Again.
It's been so long since I last talked to him because I was trying to do the right thing and take care of myself. Hopefully. And the thing about his concern is; when he asks "How are you?" I could never come up with the standard "Fine" reply. Because Big Bro's been witness to my tear shedding sessions, an unexplained level of closeness exist that demands me to be as honest as I can. So I was, sort of.

When the call was over, I told Uncle G I thought he been on the phone with Uncle A.
At that point, it felt like I've been prank on because I couldn't tell who he had called.
So I didn't really want to believe it when he next called up Uncle A and talked long enough to get him into coming over.

We were chatting bout stuff when all of a sudden my chair was nudged, and I thought it was someone wanting to pass behind me.
When it wouldn't stop nudging and everyone was looking above my head, I knew Uncle A had really turned up. I gave him a good headbutt there and then. Lol.

I couldn't believe I was communicating with so many dear people in one night.
Mellow Uncle A that I knew is now quite a voice of opinions.
A voice much like his bass line, soft and calm, it was good to have a catch up.
It couldn't have been a better dinner time today, unless Benana showed up out of the blue. Lol.
I can't help thinking I wouldn't have had this chance if I hadn't taken that random left turn.

While I was there with them, Cub sms-ed me about passing a place tonight and if I wanted anything from there.
The timing was just right as well, as we all dispersed not long after that and I could tell Cub what I wanted.
So not only was things okay with Cub, but I got a Cub delivery as well.

That about sums up my morning until night. And how a day that start out, (in the relationship area) as sore turned into a good one.

From the martian

Hmm this interesting.
Like a quickie on the go.
Wonder if the font settings and label works.

I am actually kind of having fun on mars once I've rationalize I can control this.  For instance today, at work I only used 10% of the battery. A text or two, copied some songs through bluetooth and that was all. Talk about self control.
Lol.

Word of the day...

The Martian is swallowing up my life in ways I did not know exist.
Panic attack occurring.
T.T
Have I mentioned I hate change?

On another different note,

under the bright sunlight coming in from my window this morning,

I realized that both Blinky and the Martian is pink.

13th E day

About time words became action.

The Martian has arrived....

I'm really tired today.
So I'd keep this post short.

Martian Pink

And yes that is a baby blue cover,

because the other choices was pink and dark pink.

AND WE ALL KNOW I AM NOT A PINK PERSON.

If I regret this,

I'll blame it from having watched John Carter yesterday.

Lol.

But I remember daringly wishing for this when this Samsung model first came out.

At that time, I was thinking why pink only in Korea.

So it was a seriously cannot believe this! moment when the seller took it out.

And I couldn't not buy it.

So here's to contradicting covers!

And please be patient while I learn this Martian up.

Worldly matters

I choose to be thankful...

for still having 810 x12

OB10

Flex

all to myself.

An excerpt from GiG:

Corrie ten Boom was a godly woman who endured great persecution from the Nazis in the World War II concentration camp known as Ravensbruck. During an interview, she once stated she had learned to hold everything "loosely" in her hands. When asked why, Miss ten Boom explained that after being a Christian for many years, she had discovered the truth that when she grasped things tightly, it hurt more when the Lord had to pry her fingers loose. The choice really is ours to make. We need to hold our "stuff" loosely while investing financial resources in eternal things. We need to keep our gaze riveted to God’s plan alone instead of entering the all too familiar and ungodly “competition” that seems to plague so many people. 

To stay away from idols and avoid greed, we need to change our focus from what we want to what we have, and choose to be satisfied with whatever that is.

Uncluttered

From GiG.

Early again

We've been bringing sweet old songs back.
A song sang way back in my early days in CF:

.....
Let me find You in the desert

Till this sand is holy ground

And I am found completely surrendered

To You, my Lord and Friend

.....
And the depth of grace the forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just let me say how much I love You 
O my Saviour, my Lord and Friend

Back then, we sang in F.
Today we are going to do it in D, because males can barely touch the high notes.
And somewhere in the lyrics, there's been a change over the years.
Where 'I' have been replaced with 'You'.

The fingers were remembering a familiar melody last night.
One unsung for years, yet muscle memory remembered how sweet it was.
How there's an undiminished 7th that makes things sound so much sweeter between a ii and the V.
And how the slightest change of a D/F# to Em7, making it a ii V instead of I V, can make such a difference.

If only my heart is in the right place this morning.
Not just to nail all the chords right, but to sing this from within.
For I know this declaration. I want to sing this declaration.
But would You accept it, coming from this heart that hasn't been putting You first?

To sing of surrender while life has been a daily battle of frustrations.
To sing of the depths of Your grace and forgiveness while I am with 'unwanted' mentality this morning.
To sing of loving You when I haven't been soaking in that love or walking towards You.

Something that I've learned from the concert, we sing to declare the truth over our lives.
We sing when we don't feel like it, because it's His truth.
And for any child of God, His truth is the truth that prevails.


Lord, let this day be about You
Let us sing onto You
Play onto You
With all that our hearts can
Yet humbly knowing that
It's never enough
Amen.

Easy yoke

Funny how...

An excerpt from GiG devotion read during lunch:

I read about a pastor who preached a sermon on bearing each other’s burdens. The pastor referred to Matthew 11:29-30 where Jesus tells us to “take my yoke upon you…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” When he had finished his sermon, one of the church members came up to him and said, “I wish I had known what you were going to preach about. I could have told you something.” “Well, my friend,” the pastor said, “you can tell me now.” The church member asked the pastor, “Do you know why His yoke is light?” The pastor thought a moment and then responded, “Well, because the good Lord helps us to carry it, I suppose.” “No, sir,” he said, shaking his head. “You see, when I was a boy at home, I used to drive the oxen, and the yoke was never made to balance. Father’s yokes were always made heavier on one side than the other. Then we would put a weak ox in alongside a strong bullock. The light end would come on the weak ox and the heavier end on the stronger one. That’s why the yoke is easy and the burden is light—because the Lord’s yoke is made the same way. The heavy end is upon His shoulder.”

Matched back to the daily commentaries from church I'm way behind on, and thought I'd catch up tonight.

Matthew 11:29-30

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

This being part of the reading from where I last left off.
It's been a long day yet strangely a peace has found its way. =)

A worthy weekend.

What happened:
McD at 10ish.
Drive.
Lunch at Tapah.
Drive.
Reach Nana's cousin's place.
Twinkled on the piano (Can't believe I've forgotten how a real piano feels like.)
Bathe and head out.
Found Wangsa Walk and had BBQ Chicken. (They seriously have hot spicy chicken!)
Metro.
Supper at NZ.
Slept.

Woke up early but slept back hence no breakfast.
Straight to Metro for 10am service.
Ate Wendy's for lunch! (freaking finally! The mushroom burger is way better than BK's!)
Slept til Tapah.
Drive.

Picture stolen from Nana's instagram

Israel Houghton's concert.
The crazy rushed weekend to KL was all for this one event.

I'm so glad I went.
On a spiritual high now.
(Wonder how long it'd last in this reality I live in though...)

Was just completely awestruck to find that the super talented drummer is the one playing the keyboard in the quiet moments. While his left leg keeps the high hat going. Like... OMG!!!!!

It was such a crazy time of praising Him.
And to just let the songs minister to my soul.
Singing those words out so heartily, you couldn't just be faking it.
Something had to give in, and it did.

And they ended it all with my favourite of the Decade album: I am not forgotten

I think the fact there wasn't a keyboardist helped.
Like, I'd be auto tuned to analyzing synthy sounds if there was one.
And the drummer was way too good to even bother to wonder what's going on there.

I'm thankful for the weekend that has been.
Have tons of sleep debt to catch up on before this weekend's on-call.

Early

*This is my 500th published post! Wee!*

It's 8am on a Sunday morning.
I'm trying to find the calmness to get through yet another session.

Another sleepless night, another waking up before the alarm rings, marks an anxious morning.
So here I am, early, hopeful that I'd break the spell, the tidal wave I know is coming.

What do words, and chords matter...if my heart isn't in it?
Because honestly I'm dried up.
Tired of yet another chord, yet another aim for 1-2 or 3-4 or 5 or 6th fingering position.
Tired of anxiously waiting for the what-happens-next signs from WL.
Tired of praying I don't screw this up.

And yet we press on.
Because it doesn't matter how we feel.
We, on the front lines, bring the congregation to Him.
We, put aside everything else, because that is our honor of our gifts on to Him.
That is the motto, the war cry for each and everyone of us.

I just want to close my eyes and play freely today.
I just want to hear Him and not be bogged down by what is happening around me.
I just want to play You that love song.

Just want to sing You a love song

To tell You Lord

Just how I feel about You

To glorify Your name

And lift it up above the world

Just want to sing this song to You

All which isn't going to happen the way I want it to be.

A post for the lack of posts

Randoms

(#282) Opening song of Sidney Mohede's double album never fails to lift me up.

BBW in Penang was a blast!

Can't wait for 13th April!
I could use the getaway...

Would you accept a present that had you in mind but was given because you are the last one standing by logical elimination process? Go figure.

Word on Sunday - Love was perfected on the cross.

Thwartedly

This is Your child

Do You see me?

Sleep beckons to the soul of the irredeemable one.

God of Second Chances

Palm Sunday song:

Ku mahu cinta Yesus selamanya
Ku mahu cinta Yesus selamanya
Meskipun badai silih berganti dalam hidupku
Ku tetap cinta Yesus selamanya

Ya Abba Bapa, ini aku anak-Mu,
Layakkanlah seluruh hidupku,
Ya Abba Bapa, ini aku anak-Mu,
Pakailah sesuai dengan rencana-Mu.

Dear WL,

Thank you for sharing the song's background with us.
Despite the spookiness imagining hearing someone sing in the mortuary, it spoke volumes.
If someone like that can have a second chance at heaven's gates,
how much more us who believe?
You were right, the song is now different.
Knowing that it came from a resurrected man, knowing that it came from heaven...
It's no longer just a sweet song of love,
but one of rejoicing for being alive again and a plea to be used by Him.
A re-dedication song of our lives.
A song of second chances.


This is Your child
Qualify me
This is Your child
Use as You intend to 

KISS

Keeping It Short and Simple.

Blessings and thankfuls in the past week;
Lekor on Monday
Dinner and lesson with Jen on Tuesday
Pair of earrings from Pieldeplata on Wednesday
Abu on Thursday
Pasta with Nana on Friday
And an amicable weekend to end it all.


Now if only I can stay off the emotional roller coaster, this would be a good week ahead.
Looking forward to BBW in Penang on Friday!

Hero/Sidekick

Every hero has a sidekick.
Either a competent one or not.
Often time hero is disappointed in sidekick.
Or find faults with sidekick.
But sidekick has unending faith or believe in hero.
Sometimes they even help save the day.

Committed...

I bought both EPL and Committed written by Elizabeth Gilbert even though I've read EPL before.
I loved the rambling way she writes and thought that it would be a keeper.

Now I've reached a snag in reading Committed.
Somewhere in chapter 3, early Christian historical view of marriage (which was quite a few pages) is summarized this way.

Marriage = wife = sex = sin = impurity.

Therefore: Don't marry.

And in that same flow of thought; early Christians who rejected celibacy was seen as immorally practicing sex before marriage.

The way she backs her statements up with out of context usage of sentences from Corinthians and Luke about celibacy.....leaves me speechless O.o.

I know it's only an author's view, and I do not have any idea of how Christian history looks like based on outside studies.
Yet it saddens me enough to stop reading. For now anyway.

Joy ride

Thank You, Lord

for the ride.

Feeling the wind.

Catching a glimpse of Your stars.

Laughing over every speed bump.

On a day that's been such a disappointment.

And much heartache.

You have brought a little joy in the end.

Just as You have made me temporary put it aside,

help me to surrender it into Your hands.
Amen.

Word of the day

"Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to shore. 

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly to venture on wider seas where storms will show Your mastery; where losing sight of land we shall find stars. We ask You to push back the horizons of our hopes; we ask You to push in the future in strength, courage, hope, and love."  

 —Sir Francis Drake - 16th century English sailor

Total contrast to what is happening currently in life right now, 

but still beautiful to read.

Taking a moment to just be thankful for what is and what is to come.

Because He's in control.

Discouraged

Why do I bother practicing if you don't even know that I'm rostered?

I barely exist now, do I?

Except to You, the focal of all this.

First tatt and a short update...

Hahahahaha.

Just had this done today.

Totally loving it!

CNY Holiday's been lazier than previous years.
There was no effort to go over to Penang on the 2nd day or go visit Sg. Lembu.
Fingers are a little sore from 1.5 hours of Hanon exercises after dinner but then I've been slacking for months.
Between steamboats, watching tv, snacking and sleeping, I managed to get some reading done.
So it hasn't been a total waste, except in the angpows department that is.

Back to work tomorrow.

Contentato...

The state of being content.

Woke up early for dim sum.

Ended up having dim sum for both breakfast and lunch. LOL. ~ Can just imagine Vi's dreaded look here ~

Sweet Paradise was a disappointment so I had to make up for it by going to Maxim for lunch.
Delighted that I manage to get the last plate of deep fried bird nest there. *heart* MorMor!

Couldn't find any bees fireworks at the wet market.
But then, who am I kidding? I'll get into trouble if I bought any.

Had a good long afternoon nap after doing some much needed housework.

Found an amusing quote online;

Be careful what you do, and with whom.
You never know who might find your fossil.

48 hours of Cub fast

leaves me...

with a clearer direction.

I was just so relieved when I started this.

That I slept really well on Monday night.

It hadn't been good to have statistics screaming in my head,

comparing the last 25 days or so vs data of 3 months last year.

And how everything was not going as planned or reflected on during my trip.

Managed to get some real Bible reading done.
And to just take deep breaths.

It's really interesting to read The Message with NKJV side by side.

(#272) And He's been speaking through that.

^.^

Now if I would just heed and NOT WORRY that this fast has left a dent on things.

Worn

Having the best of both worlds

Been on a rampage all week.
Relieved that the battle between 'I don't care' self vs 'Am I worthy?' self is over, having submitted my review.

Am on-call.
Sometimes it feels like I'm short changing God when I have to serve and work at the same time.
That sense is made worst, when I can hear myself afterwards from the recordings.
Hearing all my mistakes all over again.
Or the lack of melodies that I know comes about when I'm 'there'.

But with that said, having to serve and being on call meant also having this 48 hours that I just gotta trust Him.
For all the work stuff that I have no control of.
For enough rest in between work.
For Sunday mornings.
For mealtimes.

This weekend in particular, with everything going well work wise,
its this GIANT reminder that no matter how screwed up I can be He's still in control.
No matter how much I think I've failed Him, His love never fails.

And I'm thankful for that as well as;
Hearing people say, "We've been praying that you won't be called' which was a touch out of norm.
A sense of being cared for, to be mentioned in a prayer.
And so is having my recording, kohee, food and drumming time today.
None of which was planned.

Felt so spoilt because I certainly did not deserve any of it.
And that's like the icing on top of the cake.