A lost battle

Some day when I am done with this world,
I want to be remembered for my laughter.

Not the tears.

I will always love you...

I loved you long before you met me
And then you gave your life to me
But should one day you turn and walk away

I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you, yes I will
I always will

My love will never cease towards you
But should I have a change of heart
It is because my heart has ceased to beat

I will always love you …

When all around you seems in darkness
When you have plumbed right to the depths
No pit is so deep I’m not deeper still

I will always love you …

And when the day has almost ended
When evening comes and walls you in
When there is no one else to comfort you

I will always love you …

Here are my arms for you to cling to
Here are my wounds where you can hide
Here are the tears that I have cried for you

I will always love you …

My love is constant as the sunrise
As changeless as the stars of night
My child, as sure as the returning tide

I will always love you …

Been in a new battle to not have/develop a Martha complex.
I said this in a NaF session the other day, "Dying to self, is not trying in our own strength."
Yet here I am doing this and that, constantly thinking what needs to be done next.
Either at work or in church, the same buzz is there in my head.
And then there's the constant reminder of what I've done, what I've regretted every time I see Cub.
It's hard to constantly remind myself I've let go; that I'm not paying the price now for what I've done.
And to just be that new person that God wants me to be.
Somehow it seems like to be someone new, I have to live a certain way now.
Whether in speech or in making nail polish or hair dye choices.
What reflects Him? Is this too much of me wanting my way, my colors?
Questions that drives me constantly on my toes.

It's all a mess I can't untangle myself from.
Certainly not in one go, certainly not in my own strength.
But nothing is impossible with Him, and one day at a time, one step at at time; I'll get there.

With this song above, I hear a leisure pace to hang on to.
Not to be rushed.
A reminder that His mercies are new every morning.
Even today.
More than anything, that I'm loved just the way I am.
Even if someday my hair is all purple and I'm putting on fluorescent green nail polish again.

So how does this affect worship today?
Last Sunday I abandoned the team, solely just focused on Him.
An easier feat when you are standing off to one side on the keyboard.
It's so hard to jump ship when you are on the piano, in the core area.
The tendency to want to keep a lid on everything, especially on the drums to drive us along is high.
But nothing is impossible in Him.
And to do all things, in His love, it would be whatever He wants it to be.
So here's hoping to find the balance in playing, in guiding the others and most of all in enjoying worship to Him later.


Lord, I just want to rest in Your arms.
Help me to surrender to You, this life and all that I am right now.
Because You just love me anyway I am.
Amen.

Body catching

A first for me.
There's no direction to how you actually do it except it's to prevent their head knocking down hard on to the floor.
I think.

Day Off

*This blog needs a good dusting*

Oh, the joy a good day off brings!

I admit, I've been so involved at work that I forgot that I was not working today until nearly midnight yesterday. I was even planning out the things I'll get done on Monday.
Which means I have tons to do tomorrow.

And I forgot to removed my production support schedule from a certain calendar, so it wasn't surprising when an agent called me in the morning. Surprisingly, I slept through her first 3 calls and woke up on my own before the 4th call. Manage to politely direct her to my US colleague on call.

 I was somehow unable to go back to snoozing until noon after the phone call.
So my day began early instead.
It was awesome to start my morning out with an hour long drumming while some cleaning went on in church on an otherwise closed Monday. I had a song to work on. Utterly bliss. =))

Followed by a good lunch.

At first after lunch, I was sleepy and thought I would nap upon reaching home. But I got to organizing my papers with files I just bought. And organizing those lead to cleaning up my desk where I found Stephen Gately's Tree of Seasons completely buried under a pile of papers.
I felt bad to not even had missed it.
So once I was content with the state of my desk which was like late afternoon, I got about to reading it.

~

The story revolves around three siblings; Josh, Michael and Beth who started off their summer holidays by investigating strange lights coming out of Merryville Woods. The Tree of Seasons is this gateway to four seasons' kingdoms, holding the balance of seasons in the mortal world. They ended up with a mission to save the world from being decayed from all-year round Autumn lead by a Queen that had witched herself into being their great aunt Graves who owns Merryville Woods after kidnapping her and kept her wrapped in magic. Through the tree they went to all four kingdoms and encountered all sort of magical and extinct creatures on their adventure.


At first it was hard to read this; I seriously couldn't imagine SG as a writer.
The acknowledgements, foreword and afterword was written by those close to him as the book was only published after he died.
The writing was stiff to me at the beginning, like it was still a rough version.
Or maybe it has this stiff British or Irish style to it that I'm not used to.
But once the magic started, it turned out to be a 3.5 hours page turner with a satisfying ending.


It turned out to be whimsical, enchanting and lovely altogether.
Bits and pieces of rhyming poetry as spells especially captivated me.
It was also endearing to read how protective and responsible Josh was of his younger siblings, even as he faced trouble with a school bully.

It's one thing to be a fan of SG's voice and utter cuteness in my days.

This book was like seeing a depth to his actual personality.
And at the end of it, it reminded me of that warm place in my heart for those days gone by. =))

~~
Since this review took some time to write, I managed to manicure my nails as well.
Doing all the things I love in one day. And a clean desk to boot. =))

Quote of the day

Take it as a challenge!

Says my supportive colleague of the things I'm doing right now.

As I move into another Sprint this week.


Whatever that happens in the future,
I don't want to forget having the time of my life at work right now.
Because it's like seeing Him at work after being in the dark for so long.