Why does it feel like my whole heart was going to be displayed bare and raw on all the heads?
I thought I have gotten through it.
The disappointment of being lied that class was going to resume in February but instead was left hanging.
The whole ordeal with skin peeled off 3 days before Christmas because it was decided during the last practice that we needed to turn our sticks around for a louder effect.
The switch meant the balance point was higher and that was where finger meet corner of steel and loses some skin.
No one even noticed it bled during practice, even when I got blood all over the drum head.
And then to be told after the Christmas performance that I was dragging.
Yes. I know. I was so afraid I was going to scrape the same location on my finger again.
Just like how now I'm afraid I am going to be a disappointment from the start.
For it sounded horrible.
Even I could tell.
I had no idea what to play for him to showcase what I know.
So I did something lame just to have anything come out.
Because. Yet. In spite. Despite. Dang it.
I want this.
I still want this.
Not because of some lack of people situation.
Maybe not even a God calling thing.
Just a selfishly human desire to hear oneself and be happy.
I want to make happy memories of playing.
