Good Friday..

Had that moment sitting through the play, where I am conscious Hair is next to me.
He somehow has his phone screen lighted up every time the hall darkens.
Even though I was relying on the dimmed off hue of lights to comfort me.

It has also been the week, where he dips his food into my bak kut teh soup and my chilli during cell dinner.
And gave away prawns he can't have, even though it is so not matching to my meal.

Oh, how far this friendship have come.
So invading my personal space now.
Not exactly fun but it's not alarmingly scary.

I'm thankful.

The darkness that was Mt. Sinai

Once upon a time there was a girl that had to walk to another school to get her ride back home from school. And in that school there was a designated place where she would wait for her aunt to finish work so they would go home together. One day she left her bag and water bottle there and wandered off to the canteen. When she came back, her water bottle was gone.
There was this crazy old homeless man that the school hired to work odd jobs around the school.
He wasn't a threat to anyone so she wasn't all that afraid of him when he pointed out where her water bottle was. It was on a table in this temporary classroom enclosed by movable boards.
So she went in there to get her water bottle and he followed her in.
He asked for the time and as she raised her wrist up to take a look at her watch, he took her wrist and asked, "When are we getting married?". She gently shook his hand off and walked out of there.

~ That same terror of helplessness came on up there in Mt. Sinai.
Coming down with a guide that asked why she was single, how she must doesn't like guys, how she must diet and exercise.
The same guide who made her lie on her back to 'breathe' better on the rocks up there.
The same guide who made her lean onto him to get down a huge step.
The same guide who also suggested he piggyback her or drag her down by her holding both arms onto one of his arm. To which she screamed 'No!' multiple times.
The same guide who pestered how she was going to come down because she flat refused him at the top. To which she answered "Die here then".
She said a lot of messed up things up there. 
Things that have stayed buried in her for the longest time.

Crying from the shock of the whole incident for a few days was one thing, but then she found herself being terrified of the night sky a few nights later. 
Which didn't make any sense.
Not when she have walked in pitch blackness with no fear before.

She was so angry at herself.
She wanted to conquer this problem so badly that she stayed outside for a long while that first night she found herself fearing it.

A patient man found her and she told him everything.
He said all of what had happened could have happened in broad daylight.
And showed her the constellation to help her see the night sky there.
Learning about the Great Bear helped that night.
And for the nights to come there she would think about the Great Bear.

But now back home, the Great Bear isn't in the sky here.
And each night is greeted with a tinge of sadness and a hope that the fear of the night sky will not engulf her.

I don't quite know how I am suppose to recover from all of this.
Help me, Lord.

Two weeks in Egypt, Israel & Jordan

The pyramids were a marvel.
The camel ride and stars up there was stunning.
The Western wall had this presence about it that made me calm.
Aqaba was a stunning piece of water.
Dead Sea was fun, knowing how safe it was to be afloat there.
Petra was beautiful both day and night.

I'm thankful to be home.

That reset moment

This is why I love my job.
In all ten years, this is the first time we see that the system running number has to be reset.
It makes my heart glow to be a part of this.