Dreams..

There are dreams that come true, maybe years later....

There are dreams that wakes me up....

There are dreams about people that I'm stressed with....

And then there are dreams that I wish I could get back into....

Thoughts out loud.

On Tuesday, I had a date with a set of drums.
On Wednesday and Thursday there was great feasting on free lunches at work.
And today, I got to leave early from work and made it home by 4ish, which was such a treat!

Am so thankful!

My holiday have began and this is the first CNY break that I've taken the whole week off.
The reason for this is because a cheeky fella is getting married on Friday next week in Kuching.
I'm looking forward to the trip more than the dreaded relative visits we will make on the first few days of CNY.
I am hoping that the weather will be miraculously sunny so that I can go to the Cultural Village and also the Natural Reserve to see some orangutans.
But on the other hand I also realize that if that does not happen, the Koi pen brushes will be coming out and this will be a trip of staying in hotel rooms coloring.

~
It's been some challenging times trying not to obsess about drums again.
Mi says my joy is like an endorphin rush and she is right.
It does feel like I've bungee jumped all over again.

It's hard to take a step back and submit this onto Him.
But it is also the only thing that makes sense, if I were to not repeat any mistakes of the past again.
One thing we chatted about is looking back, what have I learned from that whole experience.
I've learned that I can do my best by praying for someone, by advising them.
But if they will not take your advice, it is OK to leave them (to God), to their own choices.
And this is so applicable now, in where I am, with old and new alike.

Indescribable Joy

This is one of the beautiful days.

Some work was cancelled after worrying all weekend over it.
So I was early to church.
Parked where I could hear drumming too close to be in the halls.
And there was this door that appeared open from nowhere you would think there's a room.
A room where I found Hair and it is a freaking sound padded music room.
Seeing the pair of 7A, I didn't care Hair was in the room, my butt was glued to the stool behind the 5 piece kit and I just had my way with the 5 piece kit.

Only God alone knew how I've longed to just be on a 5 piece kit again.
How heartsick it can get.
And here He was, providing this chance.
The chance to be one with the pounding of rhythms.

It was a struggle to lock the room up when it was time to go.

It didn't feel like I had enough of it, but it's enough for now.

Maps are like Rubix cubes...

"An hour."

6 hours later, I am still struggling.
I need help. It's been a long day.

Yet it is still my dream.
These dev days...

Ready...

A constant tension makes beautiful music.

This quote has been on my mind for a couple of days now.
And I think I understand it, or at least I hope I do.

I don't quite know what to feel.
Today at work I signed the paper.
The paper that gives me a slight increment (which funny enough matches the amount of money I spent on the Koi water brush pens) and the 'dream job' title.
The one that doubles my responsibilities and keep me on with my boss as he is.

And then tomorrow is going to be the meetup.
Fingers are a little sore from last minute practices.
On the surface level, I'm a little excited, a little amused at how Hair stumbled about with arranging a meetup and a little anxious to just get it over with.

My heart is ready.

I don't know when exactly I reached this point of no longer asking what if it hurts again.
That the only way to move on is to literally be involved with a new bunch of people.

I think some people would be proud of me, if I just pick up the phone and give them a call.
But I haven't been keeping in touch and I don't quite know what to say except that I'm ready again.
It has taken me awhile to get here but at least I'm late rather than never.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future.
And maybe He has been removing that fear, healing that hurt.
Because whatever it is that is not making me dwell too emotionally into all this, I am so grateful for right now.
Somehow that's enough for me right now.