Ready...

A constant tension makes beautiful music.

This quote has been on my mind for a couple of days now.
And I think I understand it, or at least I hope I do.

I don't quite know what to feel.
Today at work I signed the paper.
The paper that gives me a slight increment (which funny enough matches the amount of money I spent on the Koi water brush pens) and the 'dream job' title.
The one that doubles my responsibilities and keep me on with my boss as he is.

And then tomorrow is going to be the meetup.
Fingers are a little sore from last minute practices.
On the surface level, I'm a little excited, a little amused at how Hair stumbled about with arranging a meetup and a little anxious to just get it over with.

My heart is ready.

I don't know when exactly I reached this point of no longer asking what if it hurts again.
That the only way to move on is to literally be involved with a new bunch of people.

I think some people would be proud of me, if I just pick up the phone and give them a call.
But I haven't been keeping in touch and I don't quite know what to say except that I'm ready again.
It has taken me awhile to get here but at least I'm late rather than never.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future.
And maybe He has been removing that fear, healing that hurt.
Because whatever it is that is not making me dwell too emotionally into all this, I am so grateful for right now.
Somehow that's enough for me right now.