Monday, March 10, 2014
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Add in Text3
Two well intended senior colleagues asked if I was getting a promotion this coming review.
When I told them I have not heard anything about it, they went on to give me the push and encouragement to 'lay it all out' because to them I've deserve it.
One even mentioned he would write me an email for me to justify if my boss got ugly.
And I was so thankful that I almost burst out in tears.
I just got to rewind time a couple of days to explain.
On Tuesday there was a huge production support problem. And despite having been given the 'priority' to spend all my hours on this huge project I am on, I had to chip in and help solve the two hundred over alerts we had. And it took hours. I was in the office for a freaking 14 hours because this happened late in the afternoon. Not only I missed cell but the worst part was as we were cleaning up this problem, another one popped up and this one had to do with 500 over files getting stuck. We just couldn't do it anymore and left.
But the next morning, from the moment we got in, our boss was asking if anything got done with the 500 over files. It never occurred to her to have asked sometime the night before to anyone in the US. So I was stuck doing 8 hours of making sure the files made it in to our system in the right order. With permission of delaying my project workload another day, I took the lead. And there was a ton of different scenarios and order of how they go in. I was hoarse repeating myself all day to other colleagues who instead of taking the time to do it, focused on their other priorities first. Before I left the office, I informed the rest of the regions what we were up to and that we weren't finish.
To my horror, when I log in later at night to attend a conference there was an email from a boss way higher up saying they had checked all 500 over files the night before. It didn't occur to him that we would be concerned of it the next morning. I was upset. I had wasted a whole day doing something totally unnecessary. I tried to put the blame on lack of communication and who's responsibility that should have been. And I was envious that the ones who focused on their other priorities first didn't had to go through what I did. And I felt guilty I didn't spend anytime on my project.
The worst part was I couldn't even cry tears of frustration, and if you know me... then you know how I get pretty often. This was way beyond all that emotions. I couldn't fall asleep because I was so upset. And when I finally did, it was only to wake up earlier then usual. I stood in the shower for a very long time debating what's the point of getting into work if it's all just going to go unrecognized, and futile.
But I went in. Some sensed my mood and didn't make fun like they occasionally would. And pretty soon I was caught up completing my overdue stuff to keep feeling that negative. And I made pretty good progress for a day.
The thing is, my colleagues took me by surprise. I walked over to them expecting the next bunch of workload and got all that positive encouragement instead. And in the midst of them giving their encouragement simultaneously (I didn't understand how they expect me to listen to both of them at the same time, btw), all I could say inside was, "Oh God, thank you for this moment." Besides the obvious self control to not bursts into tears there and then.
It will still be a struggle, but it's a lighter burden knowing that He is for me.
He knew what I needed when no one else does.
Especially when one of them used the words 'All that you have done was not for nothing...'
The exact words from my head made completely different with a 'NOT' in it.
And it was such an honor coming from these two people who I have learnt much from and still have so much to learn from.
I am so touched that I am finally bursting into tears writing all this.
The title of this post is dedicated to the work this week.
Of declaring and coding a line out of scratch.
One that I am in awe they let me do it.
When I told them I have not heard anything about it, they went on to give me the push and encouragement to 'lay it all out' because to them I've deserve it.
One even mentioned he would write me an email for me to justify if my boss got ugly.
And I was so thankful that I almost burst out in tears.
I just got to rewind time a couple of days to explain.
On Tuesday there was a huge production support problem. And despite having been given the 'priority' to spend all my hours on this huge project I am on, I had to chip in and help solve the two hundred over alerts we had. And it took hours. I was in the office for a freaking 14 hours because this happened late in the afternoon. Not only I missed cell but the worst part was as we were cleaning up this problem, another one popped up and this one had to do with 500 over files getting stuck. We just couldn't do it anymore and left.
But the next morning, from the moment we got in, our boss was asking if anything got done with the 500 over files. It never occurred to her to have asked sometime the night before to anyone in the US. So I was stuck doing 8 hours of making sure the files made it in to our system in the right order. With permission of delaying my project workload another day, I took the lead. And there was a ton of different scenarios and order of how they go in. I was hoarse repeating myself all day to other colleagues who instead of taking the time to do it, focused on their other priorities first. Before I left the office, I informed the rest of the regions what we were up to and that we weren't finish.
To my horror, when I log in later at night to attend a conference there was an email from a boss way higher up saying they had checked all 500 over files the night before. It didn't occur to him that we would be concerned of it the next morning. I was upset. I had wasted a whole day doing something totally unnecessary. I tried to put the blame on lack of communication and who's responsibility that should have been. And I was envious that the ones who focused on their other priorities first didn't had to go through what I did. And I felt guilty I didn't spend anytime on my project.
The worst part was I couldn't even cry tears of frustration, and if you know me... then you know how I get pretty often. This was way beyond all that emotions. I couldn't fall asleep because I was so upset. And when I finally did, it was only to wake up earlier then usual. I stood in the shower for a very long time debating what's the point of getting into work if it's all just going to go unrecognized, and futile.
But I went in. Some sensed my mood and didn't make fun like they occasionally would. And pretty soon I was caught up completing my overdue stuff to keep feeling that negative. And I made pretty good progress for a day.
The thing is, my colleagues took me by surprise. I walked over to them expecting the next bunch of workload and got all that positive encouragement instead. And in the midst of them giving their encouragement simultaneously (I didn't understand how they expect me to listen to both of them at the same time, btw), all I could say inside was, "Oh God, thank you for this moment." Besides the obvious self control to not bursts into tears there and then.
It will still be a struggle, but it's a lighter burden knowing that He is for me.
He knew what I needed when no one else does.
Especially when one of them used the words 'All that you have done was not for nothing...'
The exact words from my head made completely different with a 'NOT' in it.
And it was such an honor coming from these two people who I have learnt much from and still have so much to learn from.
I am so touched that I am finally bursting into tears writing all this.
The title of this post is dedicated to the work this week.
Of declaring and coding a line out of scratch.
One that I am in awe they let me do it.
Basket into->
1000 things
,
inner voice
,
work
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Visiolibriphobia
I thought you had visiolibriphobia..
.....said a dear brother.
I had to google that one up.
And yes I do. It was riling me up why it demand for REAL NAME to register.
Especially in this day and age where for me personally, I would rather have put my pen name.
Who knows with some certain influence, I can actually be one someday.
So I did my best to Keeping It Short and Simple despite the stupid rule of no initials.
And then the next hyperventilating phase was looking for every 'Public' button and bringing my security level up.
There was so many of those! I felt it was almost as if there's a purposeful conspiracy to have you leak something regardless of what it is. No matter how much they say you are in control of what goes out.
What can I say?
I am finally putting myself through this torture because I am choosing to conquer my bloody fear.
Just let me calm down before I log in again to continue the assimilation process.
Otherwise I might just need to dig up my Inderals.
Basket into->
inner voice
,
misery loves company
,
special day
Sunday, February 23, 2014
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