Been on a rampage all week.
Relieved that the battle between 'I don't care' self vs 'Am I worthy?' self is over, having submitted my review.
Am on-call.
Sometimes it feels like I'm short changing God when I have to serve and work at the same time.
That sense is made worst, when I can hear myself afterwards from the recordings.
Hearing all my mistakes all over again.
Or the lack of melodies that I know comes about when I'm 'there'.
But with that said, having to serve and being on call meant also having this 48 hours that I just gotta trust Him.
For all the work stuff that I have no control of.
For enough rest in between work.
For Sunday mornings.
For mealtimes.
This weekend in particular, with everything going well work wise,
its this
GIANT reminder that no matter how screwed up I can be He's still in control.
No matter how much I think I've failed Him, His love never fails.
And I'm thankful for that as well as;
Hearing people say, "We've been praying that you won't be called' which was a touch out of norm.
A sense of being cared for, to be mentioned in a prayer.
And so is having my recording, kohee, food and drumming time today.
None of which was planned.
Felt so spoilt because I certainly did not deserve any of it.
And that's like the icing on top of the cake.