Go away, emo.

The darn feeling won't go away.

A really old friend of my big brother came to visit my office as a recently hired IT director in Jabs.
Somehow in a meeting, he mentioned to send his regards to me and my boss came running over after the meeting to poke around about 'Oh, how do you know him?". =.=
I wasn't left with much of a choice but to suggest I walk over and introduce myself to this total stranger who last saw me 20 years ago. I even confessed that I don't remember him at all.
Which made my boss all excited again on what is personally, none of her business to know. *fumes*

And all he had to say was....

"The last time I saw her was at the funeral......"

Out of nowhere, that raw sinking emo feeling appeared.

Thank God, he kept it short after that and even deflected to talk about another person he's work with before.
I wouldn't have stand it if my nosy boss asked anymore questions.
Was so embarrassed at how shameless she was!

With this dark cloud hanging about, I ended up wondering harder if I remember him or any of my big brother's friends.

Flashing back to things like;
The badminton court where we had our assemblies and my big brother had his games on weekends.
The Fifth or Sixth Former's' party where I was a spoilt guest.
Chess lessons. (Which he somehow manages to pass down to his sons. Jeez.)
The canteen tables where my big brother dissected his rats and mice on weekends.
The female friends involved in that.
We even named a white mouse once before it was put in coma.
I always forget which table it was the mouse or rat died on by the time I have recess on Mondays.
In the very same canteen.


It would have been so much more easier to have met him on my own.
I would have asked a polite question or two and run for my life.
End of being nice to a stranger. And he wouldn't have had to mention the funeral.
My facial expression must have faltered at the mentioned of funeral. =.=

But I suppose I'm thankful he didn't mentioned anything about me in diapers or if he had carried me as a toddler.
Now that would have been so awkward.


It struck me that this is the first ever person I've met that knows about that past.
One that isn't family, that is.


I'm blessed with the now. With where I am. With Whom I've found I belong to.
I'm not playing the 'What-if' game. Not tonight.
Shoo, emo. Shoo.