A moment of thankfulness

Was getting abit dry, practicing the same drum routine for about a month now.
I couldn't see how it would apply to songs or if speeding up so little every week, was actually helping me.

And that old question of whether I was going to make it someday came up again.

So it felt like God's looking down at me when we started doing that same routine, but with songs today.
It felt like He answered my tiny wishful prayer.
And even though to me it seem like such a small thing, it is precious to Him.
I matter to the One that matters.

~
Keat is set on moving away soon.
I am sad that he will not be beside me when I lose another parent, like those days when we lost one parent.
All the things I would have to do alone soon.

But He reminds me that He is with me.
That I will be prepared when that day comes.
And even as the lonely path choose to engulf me, whether it's with this leaving or that other leaving, I will somehow be strong enough.
It's odd how I long to be alone, yet do not want to be alone in the tasks ahead of me.

~
There was this moment in class, where everyone took their turns playing to the song. And on my first turn, I was panicking between counting the normal beats and getting that routine right. So things got really messy.
On my second turn, I turned off that part of my head that was counting and thinking how to get the routine right. And I manage to nail it!!

I'm starting to understand that trusting on my muscle memory and the feel of songs, without that loud control freak in my head...... is doable.

In this moment of knowing..

His love have been real through all the storms.

I'm thankful He is there through all the struggles with cell attendance this year.
That His small nudges remain clear.

I'm thankful for the people surrounding me.
The ones that gives me keys.
The ones that read my rants.
The ones that pray alongside me.

~
I do use misdirection to ease myself out of situations.
I do use random situations as excuses.
But I don't lie and I don't make up excuses.
My imagination was never subject to that and will never be used that way.

I am clear about this with my whole being.
If you are going to lie and going to disbelieve me, then that's just too bad.

Keys

The one thing that screams trust to me, over and over again.

I'm so grateful.

In that same train of thought, only a handful of people have driven Odie.
And none of them knows how significant that is.

An artidote thought

Being compassionate isn't a flaw.
Don't stop even though it hurts right now.
No one else has the same capacity as you do to love and be compassionate.
It is what makes you, you.

Don't compare how strong someone else is to be able to harden themselves and let go.
Because that's just not you.

Let it out now, all those bottled up tears.
And once that well dries up, you move on.

Doubt..

Birthed from an ambushed answer.
What greatness can you possibly be?

This is one of those works done out of desperation.

I don't do my best when ambushed or cornered.
It hurts to see this.
Both physically and emotionally.

Especially when you have pointed out everything wrong and expect an apology for getting you in this mess, but there is none.

Oh, the trials of dealing with idiotic people.