Today is the day...

I finally drummed on stage!

FB tells me that one year ago yesterday, was when I first found the practice room.
And here I am one year later, playing for a main service.

It's been hours since service yet I still can't believe it.

It's overwhelming to realise how God has been good in giving me this opportunity.
How He has made me see that I didn't need to be perfect or of a certain excellence in order to drum up there.
How such a small dream, such a small longing, could sprout and grow into reality because of Him.

I was so insecure that every time Hair asked I had said a year or 3 years (on that last time).
And now it feels like I have been lying to Hair and myself all this time.

I still have a long way to go.
What I had believed to be loud was only mid range.
My heart is to grow bigger in order to grow louder.

Wait a minute...

You are waiting and scrutinising for your boss to grin.
The grin that will indicate he is joking.
But he doesn't. He is dead serious.

And inside you have a OMG moment.

You remember how you used to dream about travelling for work and now it's going to be a reality.
But yet at the same time, there's a concert you really really want to attend in that same month. Something you have also longed for.
So you're torn wondering if you should get tickets and not worry about the timing of everything.

Because this feels like a clear moment of God challenging you to trust His plans and timing for you.

A Sunday well spent....

Today was a really happy day.

Doing one another's nails.
(Although my fingers are still not painted as I got distracted doing all the other stuff.)

Cooking spaghetti and grilled bacon and tomatoes for dinner.

Besides doing jelly for dessert, we also end up making no bake cheesecake for another day.

And once i got over my initial balance issues (and embarassing screams), Bip the Xiaomi Segway hoverboard was awesome!

Most importantly, the fellowship time talking about things in life that's dear to our hearts.

Encouragement of the day...

When female drummer wannabe meets another female drummer wannabe, they instantly made friends over the difficulties of learning drums and the sharing of drums in the practice room.

Despite being from different zones, it was a huge encouragement to know that we are in the same phase of 'not really there yet' to play on stage.

A pause in this season

So tired.
So exhausting.
My head is spinning with all the things still not done for Christmas Eve.

Yet I'm really really bizarrely happy.

I'm so thankful for all the folks that haven't said, 'You are being too hard on yourself'.
I'm so thankful that revealing this bitch side of mine, along with the shittyness that comes from having to deal with that side of me, have not been disastrous.
I'm so thankful that I can be myself and it's okay to be me, without offending or hurting anyone in the process.
It's taken me a very long time to show this side of me again.

Someone asked why I bother? Why do I care?
Especially as they have never seen me caring for anything like this.

And I don't really know.
I'm too tired to actually feel something myself about this.
Besides just absorbing or empathizing how the others around me are feeling about this.

Maybe the truth isn't all that complicated.
He is the reason for the season.
And He provides more than enough to wade through all these busyness.
So long as He knows what's really in my heart, no one else has to know.



~
Even as this year been a year of letting more people in (which I am very thankful for),
I also miss Slavedriver and Big Bro something terribly.
I miss how Christmas means over the top decorations at Slavedriver's home.
I miss how easy it is to just be in the company of Big Bro and his family.
Yet things have changed and I can't just go back to how things once was.

Some changes been certainly surprising.
Who would have thought that I'd enjoy making jellies and Christmas shopping for prizes?
Or crying elephant tears over a painted wet fake door yet getting back at it the next day.
Or it becoming a norm to drive all the way from the South on a weekly basis just for a drum date in town?
Or me being the crazy maniac who stays up all night to play board games when no one else has the stamina to?