Raw Truth

The raw truth isn't always nice to hear.
Or to admit about.
And to not sound like a spoilt brat while you're at it.
But enough is enough.
I'm tired of Smartypants.
And how worked up I get about them.
Not to mention the tears that causes puffy eyes on Sunday morning.

I'm thankful for these words.

"I understand. You can put yourself to play with me and *name of the other Twin Tower* "
                        said one of them.

I was hoping for relief when I admit it out loud.
So why does it feels like I've just stabbed a knife into my heart?

Quarter of 1Kth post.

Laughing for long sessions last Sunday was a good break from my normalcy.
That is until the midnight call came and I had to work til 3.30am and get up for work at 6am.
Which was kinda cool, kinda exhilarating in a weird 'I'm superhuman' way, although I was pretty much blur in the office on Monday.

Had a good off day yesterday. Watched a movie, went to the library, had sushi with good old Jen.
I even finished a chick flick book, although that cost me to be late to work this morning. Haha!

I find myself spacing out during lunch conversations between colleagues.
Thinking of stuff I shouldn't be thinking of.

But what if I really need someone to tell me to stay now.
To be who He wants me to be, not who I want to be.
It's hard to know it isn't the solution when all I want to do is just that.
Harder still when people aren't trying to stop you from going.

Somehow things are looking better in other areas.
I am so thankful and grateful in some ways.

There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart

But its no ones fault

No, its not my fault

Maybe all the plans we made, might not workout

But I have no doubt even though its hard to see

I've got faith in us

I believe in you and me

                                                    -Michael Buble's 'Hold On'

A butterfly called Hope

Sometimes hope flutters in like a butterfly.

It happened on Wednesday afternoon when the word 'train' was used.

"Ee eh train boh chiap ho si."

In English translation, "His/Her train wasn't connected properly"
And what followed was a long explanation on where the tracks was cut off suddenly.
Sure, right now I can't touch any of that, (it brought on a big NO, when I childishly suggested I wanted to correct it) but being allowed to listen to all that was....so delightful!
Like a bite of chocolate.

It happened again on Wednesday night, when everyone agreed the dethrone someone's ownership of a website. My heart skipped a beat when my senior topped the issue up by suggesting that I wanted that website. And that is the solution in place to dethroning someone.
I, who have lost hope on having any ownership there.
Yet, my childish dream was remembered at a moment like this.
And it sounded like whipped cream on chocolate ice cream.
Although the ice cream isn't certain to be mine yet. How can my heart not soar again in one day?

Thorns on my fingers

Somedays I just want to strangle Ms. Smartypants.
I bet she doesn't even know one of those equipment costs 2K.
Don't tell us what to do when you have no clue what is needed.

If that is not bad enough, Mr. Smartypants insistence on the exact melody is draining off creative juice.
Yet ironically, he's always unprepared for the freaking chords we need.
Reliance on his poodle is just as bad.
If you are asking for precision, be freaking prepared for it for goodness sake!
Otherwise you just have to sit tight and shut up while I take my time to do the bloody transposition for you.


Maybe it's sadly time for another long pause.


And all I can do is look to my left and to my right, knowing that my Twin Towers are there.
Steady and strong. Always reliable. Always looking beyond and focusing on what is most important.
Thank God.
And they make me want to press on another day, another session.
Rubbing some faith into me, to somehow find You again.

Ships of sort

Some get better with time, like good old wine.

Even if you lost visibility of them for some time, they still taste better when you next drink them.

Others are like fermented tofu, it takes a certain grace or a peculiar taste to enjoy their company.
Which in my case requires some efforts of sort.