For God is a good God.

It is still a struggle.
Of putting aside the fears of Syaitan in my mind.
Of believing that whatever it was, God had burnt it to ashes on the altar for me.

Especially when Nana goes away for a long time. Twice a year. >.<

I think half of the time I'm upset is because I want them to be together sooo badly.
Another major part of it is because of my baggage of mistrust in former male authoritative figures.
And it didn't help that membership day looked like members ready to be beheaded.
Somewhere in the midst of all that I made a lot of thoughts that turned into unrealistic fears.

One day, I got tired of the fears.
And I told Him I didn't want to be afraid anymore.
That it was just wrong and unfair.
It was then that He showed me the altar.
And how if I just surrendered it there, it is burnt into ashes.
Done. Gone. Nothing but a pile of black ashes.
And now whenever I get afraid, I see the altar in my head and remember what He has done for me.

On another note, I was delighted with the seating sandwich today.
It's something that I've envisioned but never seen actualized until today.
And of all days when I am in one of my moods.
It was like, He looked down and went "Here you go, you romantic fool."
A sudden glimpse of sun light piercing through my dark clouds.

Thank You for reminding me what You have done and can do for me.