Encouragement of the day...

When female drummer wannabe meets another female drummer wannabe, they instantly made friends over the difficulties of learning drums and the sharing of drums in the practice room.

Despite being from different zones, it was a huge encouragement to know that we are in the same phase of 'not really there yet' to play on stage.

A pause in this season

So tired.
So exhausting.
My head is spinning with all the things still not done for Christmas Eve.

Yet I'm really really bizarrely happy.

I'm so thankful for all the folks that haven't said, 'You are being too hard on yourself'.
I'm so thankful that revealing this bitch side of mine, along with the shittyness that comes from having to deal with that side of me, have not been disastrous.
I'm so thankful that I can be myself and it's okay to be me, without offending or hurting anyone in the process.
It's taken me a very long time to show this side of me again.

Someone asked why I bother? Why do I care?
Especially as they have never seen me caring for anything like this.

And I don't really know.
I'm too tired to actually feel something myself about this.
Besides just absorbing or empathizing how the others around me are feeling about this.

Maybe the truth isn't all that complicated.
He is the reason for the season.
And He provides more than enough to wade through all these busyness.
So long as He knows what's really in my heart, no one else has to know.



~
Even as this year been a year of letting more people in (which I am very thankful for),
I also miss Slavedriver and Big Bro something terribly.
I miss how Christmas means over the top decorations at Slavedriver's home.
I miss how easy it is to just be in the company of Big Bro and his family.
Yet things have changed and I can't just go back to how things once was.

Some changes been certainly surprising.
Who would have thought that I'd enjoy making jellies and Christmas shopping for prizes?
Or crying elephant tears over a painted wet fake door yet getting back at it the next day.
Or it becoming a norm to drive all the way from the South on a weekly basis just for a drum date in town?
Or me being the crazy maniac who stays up all night to play board games when no one else has the stamina to?

Happiness is...

Having a drum date and purposeful coloring time.

Hair has reorganized the room.
(It's getting to be a dilemma to maintain that nickname when he has chopped off his hair T.T)
Now the room is so much more spacious.

I get amused at yet another discovery.
Voodoo Lab Sparkle Drive.
If it was placed side by side with the Coming Messiah Overdrive, I would have taken a picture. Hee.

The lady with a smile.

There's a smile that cannot be replicate.
The smile that met me that first day of recess in my new school.
Concerned I wasn't familiar with the school system.

The same smile greeted me each time.
Those days waiting for me after school, or teaching me to knit.

The smile over the years, would change into laughter occasionally and crinkle the creases around those bright eyes.

R.I.P 5ee.

I haven't been giving the 'rightful' respect she deserves.
If you consider rightful as in being there every single night of the wake and following the procession on the last day.
I just didn't want to struggle with following the rituals this year.

There was the combo birthday party that very night she passed away.
Followed by the next night of serving in church.

When I finally went on Thursday night, the corpse I saw was nothing at all like I remember her.

So I spent my Friday night board gaming.
Away and late enough that I had an excuse not to go to the funeral procession the next morning.
And finally it was over. Just like that.

Maybe I will regret this one day.
But for now, I like that the image of her, that I still have in my head is smiling at me.

At the cross...

Serving an altar call that finished late was difficult. I was anxious from realising that the speaker shared different things from the first service, taking a longer time to finish.

"I know You love me"

These words took a whole new meaning tonight.
Arrived at the cinema just in time for Dr. Strange to start, no advertisement or trailer left!